Drug of choice - ashtray

XVIII

                                   GIA🥰

Abbi?
Please answer
Abbi you need to pick up
It's about rue

I answered the call.
"Hey gia"
"Abbi no ones angry at you, it's just..me and mom really need you right now"
"Ok...I'm on my way"

"Thanks fez"I said getting out the car
"No problem" he said
Mom saw me and ran up to me and kissed my face
"I'm sorry" I said through sobs
"So am I"she said said embracing me
I looked over at gia who had tears in her eyes
"What happened..."

"What do you mean she ran away!"I said
"She got in the car, she was co operating i don't know what happened" mom said remorsefully
"She could be anywhere!" I said
"I know and we will find her"mom said firmly
"But for now I need you to concentrate. I know you ran around with rue and did everything she did and don't deny it, jules told me everything.
You know her better than anyone, where could be, who would she go to." Mom said
"I-uh. Lexis?" I said
"Right"

We pulled up to Lexis. I banged on the door loudly.
"Lexi!" I said
"Hey-" she said she said seeing our frantic faces
"Are you looking for rue?"she asked
"Is she here?!" I said not waiting for her to answer I pushed past her. My mom and gia followed to see rue walking downstairs.
"Oh fuck-" rue said
"It'll never fucking end"
"This can't make you feel good rue. Living like this, lying to the people you love , being mean to the people you love. This can't make you feel good about yourself" mom said
"Ok- just fucking leave me alone please" rue said out of breath
"I know your in pain" mom said
"You have no fucking idea mom"rue said
"Let's get back into the car, and let me take you to the hospital"mom said
"I can't get clean, I can't do that shit forever"rue said
"You don't have too, just take it one day at a time"Cassie said
"I wouldn't put it that way- " I said side eying Cassie
"But we all just care about you rue"I said
"Hey abbi"rue said
"Yes?" I said
"Does mom know your just as bad of a fucking addict as me?" She said
All heads turned towards me
"What's she talking about" mom said
"I'm not a fucking addict rue"I said
"What if I told her you've been living with a fucking drug dealer for months"she said
"What!" Mom said
"Rue, don't"I said sternly
"If I'm gonna sit here and be judged, you don't get to stand there all high and mighty, your no better than me" rue said
"Look, we're here for you" Cassie said sweetly smiling and grabbing my arm
"Cassie I've got a question"rue said
"Mhm" she said smiling at rue
"How long have you been fucking Nate"rue said
"What- what are you talking about" Cassie said nervously
"I'm not"she said to maddy
"What are you talking about"maddie said
"Well I just-I- saw her get into nates truck and kiss him, that was like what, a month ago"rue said
"Are you kidding me"maddie said
"Cass that's like really bad"Kat added
"Your fucking nate, are you kidding me?" Maddie said
"No-I- I don't even know what's she's taking about " Cassie said
"Your lying!"maddie said
"I'm begging you, please just get into the car" mom said to rue
"I can't" rue said shaking her head
All while chaos kicked off amongst it I heard
" I don't even know why your believing her she's a drug addict" Cassie said
I slowly turned towards Cassie.
"Huh" I said quietly
"I-uh-I just meant that-"Cassie started
I walked towards Cassie lightly shoving maddie out of the way.
"You really think you get to sit here and talk shit about rue when she's sitting here having withdrawals shaking in pain while we're trying to have a fucking intervention. you wouldn't even begin to imagine what she's going through and you speak down on her?" I said in a dangerously low voice
My mom came over and calmed me
"Just focus on rue, focus on rue" she said
I turned back around muttering too myself
"May god and maddies wrath give that whore what she deserves"
"I know, I know" my mom whispered
"Listen let's just get into the car ok" mom said
Maddie and Cassies bickering in the background was pissing me off.
Cassie ran up the stairs to get away from maddie.
When I looked away rue was already off running.
"Rue!" I said
But she was gone.
"Mom I will find her, you go home, I'll call you" I said reassuring but firmly
I ran back to fez's as soon as I could
As soon as I got in and saw fez and ran up to him.
"Rues here" he said
"Where is she!"he asked
"She's just gone the bathroom" he said confused
"Rue!" I shouted pushing past fez
And when I found her in fez's grandmas room my heart sunk. These people had became my family and rue crossed a line.
"Rue, come on" I said disappointed
"You serious"
"Abbi please" she pleaded
Fez showed up at the doorway
"It's the principle rue" fez said shaking his head.
At this moment I knew what rue was doing was irredeemable. I love her, more than anyone. It shattered my heart to know she could do this to the people she loved. There's nothing I can do for her anymore. She's too far gone.
"Rue this isn't right" I said
"Give it to me rue" fez said
"Give it to me. Let go!"
"Please"
"You need to leave the house"fez said
"Let go-fez let go"rue said
"Get off-get the fuck off!" She said shoving fez
I watched helplessly as fez grabbed her and dragged her out the house while she fought and swore at him.
I called mom and told her where she could find rue. I couldn't look at her. No matter how bad rue got , even after I watched her hurt the people she loved time and time again, I held onto hope she still had some limits to what she would do to get drugs, that there was a limit to how much pain she would be willing to cause people for them.
I ran into mine and ash's room and curled up into the bed and cried, for a long time. Fez and ash didn't come in and bother me, which I appreciated.
I think I am genuinely sick, and I'm not talking about drugs or physical illness, I mean I'm a sick person.
If I'm allowed to say this about myself,I'm extremely loving ,I love more than my heart can handle.
I love people so hard it's terrifying. My experiences with love are melancholy to day the least, and almost always end in loss or betrayal.
When I'm sad. I'm not just sad, I can't eat or cry or move. I can barely even breath.
When I'm happy, I haven't got enough time in the day to do everything my heart wants in one moment. My thoughts go faster than I can process and I want to scream.
And when I'm angry. My mind goes blank of everything but the most sadistic and twisted thoughts that would make Jeffrey dahmer hurl over and puke until his insides where dry and shrivelled.
I'm my 15 years of life I have learned 1 thing.
There's always anger after sadness.
The thing about me is.
Sometimes my anger is misdirected

Im scared of how my own story is going.
But like.
Cassie, Nate or jules?
Who we fucking up?
The next chapter is gonna be a nightmare to write.
This is self sabotage at its finest