broke / machine gun kelly

9.

i wasn't feeling well the next morning. i was sober for the first time in almost a week. drugs sucks and i hated myself for taking them. kells came out of his room, the other two were still asleep.
"kells can we talk?" i asked anxiously.
he nodded and we ran into the kitchen together.
"i'm very sorry about yesterday and in general for running away again." he just nodded and didn't look at me.
"i don't know what to say. you are just unbelievable and i can't believe what you are doing for me. i think i am just scared of being dropped again" i looked at him and had light tears on my face "i am just broken and it's not easy trying to be normal".
he finally looked at me "no one is asking you to be normal. you are good the way you are. don't ruin that just because your friend passed away.... shit it shouldn't sound like that, but you can be proud to have a job. you can have a home. don't ruin your life by yourself". his words hurts but he was right. we were silent until i spoke up softly
"I'm grateful but I don't think it's good if we both continue to sleep in the same room." kells looked at me shocked "why? i-".
i interrupted him "i think we need privacy and this will not end well".
i still had the image of him and jen in the bar in my head. before that i thought there was something between us. he had kissed me but apparently it didn't mean much to him. i would have liked to just run away again but kells was right, i should finally take advantage of my opportunities.
kells looked at me and replied that there was still the couch. i nodded and then said that i would go over to mod.

the next few days went better for me. i went back to work, stayed away from drugs, didn't even smoke weed. i spent a lot of time with mod. he helped me get a more positive outlook on life. kells and i didn't talk much though, he was out a lot and i slept on the couch. it hurt me because i liked him a lot. but i think that was the best thing for us. i talked a lot with slim in the evenings and we became friends more and more. he was incredibly nice. i think he knew that i like kells. he knew i ran away because the evening in the bar, but i was grateful that he didn't go into it any further.
in the evening mod came around and he, slim and i watched a movie. they wanted to go on, but i wanted to sleep. we joked around and i said how happy i would be if i had my own room someday. suddenly mod suggested that i could move in with him. he could give up a room without any problems.
slim started joking around that we were all looking for a new place to live and he didnt should steal me. we had some fun conversations.
kells and dub came home with some friends. a small party started in the living room. it was fun, but i had to go back to work the next morning. i didn't want to be a party pooper.
slim noticed my tiredness and clarified with mod that i could sleep at mods place if i wanted to. the two of them suggested it to me. i had now done enough with mod to be able to trust him. i agreed, packed everything i needed for tomorrow and they accompanied me to his house. mod told me which room i could sleep in and i already knew roughly where everything was. we talked for a few more minutes and then they walked back to the party. before they left slim told me how glad he was that they had met me and that he was proud of me. that really meant a lot to me.

next day

days ago at work i had the opportunity to apply for a promotion and mod motivated me to do so. today i got word from my boss that i would get the promotion. i was overjoyed. my life was getting better more and more. i wrote the guys and mod that i urgently needed to talk to them after work, but didn't specify the reason.
when i got to the boys home after work, everyone was waiting for me in the kitchen.
i walked in and was pestered with questions.
"I- um- I don't know how to say this" I stuttered and looked down at the floor.
"chels what's wrong?" slim asked. everyone was super curious.
"i got promoted" i shouted shrieking and jumped into the air.
all of a sudden the guys went nuts "OMG CHELS". "WOW CONGRATZ". "DESERVED". "SO HAPPY".
they all hugged me one after the other. when kells hugged me it was more familiar again. we all sat down at the table and celebrated. suddenly mod picked up the topic from yesterday and asked if i wanted to move in with him, so i would have my own room and the boys and i could look for an apartment in peace. kells looked at me shocked, he didn't know anything about all this yet.
"theoretically you've been living with us for a month now and- " dub said. he was interrupted by slim "you can stay here, we won't kick you out. but we're working on something right now. the new apartment will probably take a while. you deserv your own room and home!".
kells didn't say anything.
"um i guess if it's ok with you?. a room for my own would be nice" i replied shyly "then you all can finally party in the living room again" i laughed afterwards.
"YOO we'll just take your stuff over there" mod said motivated. i smiled and the topic changed to music and their projects.

later mod and i decided to go slowly. i still had to pack my stuff. kells said he would help me after my stuff was still in his room.
he sat on the bed and i walked to the closet.
"so you're leaving" he said in a depressed voice.
"yeah seems so" i said quietly.
"you made it and you will make more" he looked at me.
i laughed lightly "i haven't done anything yet. i makke small steps but-".
"don't put yourself down" he interrupted me.
"but seriously thanks for everything. if you hadn't believed in me. i wouldn't be here now" i looked into his eyes and we smiled at each other.
"so i'm all packed now, don't own much yet" i laughed. kells got up and walked to me. he hugged me tight and kissed my head.
we walked back and mod and i went to his house.