A new ending

1

I opened the curtains, the rain was pouring down on the window. I heard the sound of the rain and it smelled like early spring outside. I used to love the smell of rain. Of course, because that meant everything would be normal. I could go to school and no-one would notice anything. I would still get strange glances and people would still whisper. But at least the wouldn't see my skin glowing in the sun. The glowing skin of a monster.

But even tho the weather was perfect and everything looked normal, I wasn't going to school. Today was the day I was doing something I never thought I was going to do. Neither as vampire or as human. Today I was attending my daughter's funeral. The funeral was today. April 14. I already knew I would remember that date forever.

Renesmee died a half year ago, but we hadn't had a proper funeral for her yet. Half because only a few people knew she existed and half because Bella was so out of reach, we couldn't possibly plan anything. After Renesmee died Bella had gone into a serious depression. She never got out of bed. She never talked. She never smiled. She never did anything except laying in bed with her headphones on.
Everytime i tried reaching her she either pretended she didn't hear me or told me to go away.

One time I was so sick of this behavior and I tried to call her out. I told her that we needed to stick together. That this was hard for me too. That she needed to move on. That it had been five months and life went on. But she just stared at me and said.

"I don't think I want my life to move on without her." And put her headphones back on.

I tried maybe five more times to make her see the light at the end of the tunnel. To make her smile. To help her. To make her love me again. After that, I gave up. She couldn't love me anymore. Renesmee had broken us. She had killed every bit of love that had ever existed between us. I just went on with my days, I didn't speak to her and she didn't want me too either.

After a long time I finally learned to feel again. I learned to think about other things than Bella and Renesmee. I learned to smile, to laugh. I had lost the two people I loved most in the world. I would never be the same again. But at least I tried to make the most of it.

Last week, Bella finally got out of her bed and told us she wanted Renesmee to have a proper funeral. Thrilled she could still speak we all got together and planned a funeral. Who we should invite, what to wear, who should speak, and so on.

Even tho I'm so much better now than I was one month ago. This day makes it all come back. All the feelings. The loss. The griev.

I put on my black suit and look at myself in the mirror. I look different. No matter how little life there a was in me before, it's definitely less now. I look like I haven't slept in days and I don't even need to sleep. My hair is so much longer than it used to cus I haven't been taking care myself at all. It's laying in front of my eyes and it looks messy. I push away and go downstairs.

There at the kitchen table, I see Bella. I stop in the middle off the stairs because I haven't seen her in so long. We have been sleeping in separate rooms since the accident, because she preferred too. The last time we talked was a month ago when I tried to comfort her. She just silently stared at me while I begged her to speak to me.

I walk silently down to her and look down at her. She looks so bad. Her eye bags are massive and her hair is a mess. I remember thinking after I changed her, that I missed seeing the feeling in her eyes. Of course, I was forever thankful that I could have her forever. But now, I catch myself thinking that thought again. I would be so nice to see something in her eyes. Sadness, anger, grief, anything. Instead, it's just nothing.

"Hey," I say. "Ready for the big day?"

She just looks up at me and don't say anything.

"You know," I try again. "Sometimes it would be great to know what's going on in that beautiful head of yours."

She looks up at me.

"Don't feel like taking." She says with a low, raspy voice.

And with that we all get ready and go to the wood where the funeral will take place together. In silence.