We'll Always Have Hawaii

Chapter 10

And with those words she finally managed to push past him out of the front door and ran quickly to the black SUV in which Karen was still waiting for her.

"Did you find your journa-"

"Karen, take me home!", Stevie interrupted her.

"Stevie, what happened?", Karen asked worringly and looked at her boss' tear-streaked face.

"Get me out of here! Now!", she demanded once more.

"Okay..", her assistant said slowly and pulled out of the driveway.

Stevie looked out of the window and saw Lindsey heading out of the building, watching her car leaving while nervously running his hands through his gray curly hair.

Gosh, why had this guy to be so fucking sexy?! She breathed out heavily.

This was all just too much for her. She was still grieving for her mother and now she had to be with Lindsey 24/7 for the upcoming months. How was that going to work out? He still loved her and yes, it felt good to know that he still did feel for her like that and she couldn't deny her own feelings for him either. But that still didn't change anything. He was still married and had three children. Where were his sudden declarations of love coming from? For 12 years they had managed to have their little Hawaii trip once a year and be fine with it, now out of the blue, he blurted out he loved her on a regular basis and she had no idea what to say. Of course, she loved him, too. And yes, she wanted him. God, there was nothing and nobody on earth she wanted more than him — and still it was wrong!

Did he really think that she didn't love him? Didn't grieve every single time she had to leave their hotel suite in Hawaii? Did he actually think that he was just a fuck on the side for her? Seriously?! How could he ever come up with such a bullshit! He knew exactly that she hadn't been with anyone in years, that there was no one but him, that all the songs she wrote were all about him and no one but him.

"We're there.", Karen said softly and interrupted Stevie's thoughts.

She looked out of the window again and saw that they had arrived at her condo.

"Do you want me to go up with you?"

"No, Karen. Thanks."

"Are you sure?", her assistant seemed still to be worried about her.

"Yes, I am. But thank you.", Stevie said and squeezed Karen's hand gratefully before leaving the car and heading to her apartment.

She didn't waste much time and changed into her nightie when she entered her bedroom a few minutes later. It was still early but she wasn't going to leave the house again, so she made herself something to eat and climbed with her plate into her bed, Sulamith curling up next to her. She switched on the TV, ate and tried hard to get her mind off from what had just happened between Lindsey and her but it was impossible.

Had she perhaps made the wrong decision back then when she had made him marry Kristen? Had it been a mistake to end their relationship back then? But she had been so sure that she was doing the right thing when telling him to be with his little family and when he and Kristen had continued to have children together, it had only confirmed that to her.

"Oh Mom, what am I doing?", Stevie sighed and looked at the photo of her mother that was sitting on her nightstand.

She pulled out her journal and started writing again. She needed to get those thoughts out of her head and onto some piece of paper. Reading them had always helped her to see certain aspects in a complete different light.

One hour later, she set her pen aside and read the lines she had just written.

She sighed as she suddenly began to understand Lindsey. There were so many things he didn't understand and so many things he didn't know, things she had never told him because she had wanted to protect him from being miserable. All she had ever wanted was for him to be happy.

She flipped to the last page of her journal and looked at the black and white sonogram that she always carried with her wherever she went. Lovingly, she stroked with her thumb over the picture.

"Mommy loves you.", she said sadly, "Don't you ever forget that. Mommy loves you."

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Thank you so so much for all your lovely comments. I cannot even tell you how much they mean to me. I'm sorry this update turned out to be so short but I didn't want to keep you hanging again. :) Much love, Lara