"Are you actually expecting me to pay for your whore?"
That word felt like a slap into his face. He looked at his brother with burning hate. How has he changed in those months he's been the Master of the house! He had expected that Kumud would be ruling, but dear brother, now without his father's watchful eye over him, has surprised everyone by putting his wife in her place and changing basically overnight into a confident and proud landlord. Even Devdas was baffled at the change. But he had no time or urge to wonder. He was without any news of Chandramukhi for several days now. And every waking moment he had to fight with that little voice in the back of his mind reminding him she may have already lost the battle.
"I am asking for my share of wealth our ancestors have gathered. What I do with it is not your concern," he said, trying to sound calm, but failing. Already he regretted telling the truth. But somehow he had thought it may turn them all into humans. They have already trampled over his love once. Maybe he was relying on their pity as well? They had none though. Not his brother, not Kumud, not even his mother, who at first was overjoyed to see him. Only the old grandmother seemed completely uninterested who is the woman he's asking the money for. She was just happy to see him healthy, and after the experience with Paro, she was ready to support whomever his heart chose. But she had no say in money matters - and money was that mattered now.
"You have renounced all rights to that wealth!" his brother was quick to remind him. Now the studying law in London finally came to use to Devdas.
"You have no written proof of that," he said. "And if you don't want people to drag your name through courts you better listen to me... dear brother."
"You will get your money." That was his mother speaking. "But you will have to swear upon your me you will not spent it in brothels!" She came closer to him, her tone much gentler as she added: "I only want you to live a happy life, Dev. You need to snap out of those bad habits. Then you will be happy. You can... you can return home for good if you want to! Please Dev. Who will take care of you if not your mother?"
"I don't need any of you to take care of me," he said, ignoring the hurt flashing through mother's eyes. What was her pain compared to Chandramukhi's? She still had her older, more loved son, she had house, name and privileges. Chandramukhi had only him. And he had only Chandramukhi. None of the people under this roof felt like his own save for grandmother. His heart was aching for the doe-eyed dancer. "And if you want me to be happy, just don't tell me to leave her. You have all trampled over my love once. I won't let you do that again."
From the looks on their faces he suddenly realized that not just his brother, but he too has changed. He came in here ready to beg. But they did not dare to challenge his request again. His brother had gained pride. He had gained respect.
................
He had to act quickly. But important papers needed to be signed for the part of family wealth to become truly his. Two days they told him. He had to wait for two days. He had to oblige. But he was dying inside. It was as if nobody understood he was counting minutes. Chandramukhi. He rested his forehead against a wall and closed his eyes. He could still feel her as if it were mere moments since he had made love to her. He still felt guilty about how cruel he had been to her, but even now he shivered with sheer pleasure at the memory of the sensation of becoming one with her. Yes, yes, better think of the madness of passion than of the possibility she may have breathed her last already and him being miles away from her. He forced himself to think about the arching movement of her body as he moved inside her, about the muffled cries revealing both her pain and pleasure, about the smoothness of her legs she pressed slightly around his hips as he entered her... never did he imagine there could be such a feeling of happiness and fulfillment before. Pleasures fo the body and pleasures of the soul were too overwhelming for his senses as they came together and engulfed him. He opened his eyes. She had to be alright. She just had to.
"Stay here, Dev."
He quickly turned around at the sound of mother's voice. A smile on his lips was crooked with irony and sarcasm, his two constant companions in life.
"Stay here," she repeated and came closer to him, her face showing a sincere eagerness. She may had preferred his brother, but he was still her son. "You can make your life beautiful again. And where else to start than in your own home? My dear, we have made a terrible mistake of letting you go once. I don't feel like letting go of you again!"
He said nothing, just shook his head.
"Why?" her voice was full of badly concealed desperation. "Dev, if this is about looking for a substitute for Paro, let me choose you a bride. I will find you the most beautiful girl from a good family, and I promise I will not ask for any dowry if her family is not rich. I promise you she will be clever too. Dev? Please Dev, think about it."
He took her hands into his own, the wry smile not leaving his face.
"You want me to have a happy life. But you don't understand that she is my life. You want me to be home. But you don't see is that everywhere is home for me when I am with her. You want to find me a beautiful bride. But you can't even imagine the beauty of her love for me. When everyone lost patience with me, when everyone cursed my name, she never uttered a single bad word. I don't blame Paro for throwing my proposal to my face. I have wronged her and myself both. But the punishment you and father gave me, that was more than I could bear. And yet none of you I have hurt as much as I have her. Nobody has suffered more because of me. So how could I not return that love?"
He let go of her hands and started walking away. Then he turned to face her again. "Strange, isn't it? I can tell you all this. But I know I will never be able to tell her."
..........
He was rushing back. The train seemed slow to him, the carriages were just no too fast enough. He earned many nasty names by coachmen that were unlucky enough to get him as a customer, but of course none were said directly into his face. Not that he cared one bit. By the time he got to his destination he nearly passed out of exhaustion and fear. At the same time he couldn't wait to throw the desired money to those scoundrels living off of her, because that at the same time would give him the right to scream and curse and threaten for all that agony he had to go through. He was never given a chance. Chandramukhi's kotha was empty. Nobody answered to his questions. She was gone.
