Three weeks. Mostly they kept talking about their childhood. No memory remained untouched, no hint of it was spared. Sometimes their recollections of the same thing differed and in such cases they could almost get into a fight over who was right. They both intentionally avoided talking about that brief period of time between his return from London and her marriage. Sometimes she spoke about her life in Manikpur, but he was not really comfortable listening to that. Few times she asked about his life, but he kept convincing her there was nothing interesting to tell.
As much as she tried to be cheerful, he could see she was dreading to return to the daily routine, to the long empty hours with nothing to do. Way too many things were not appropriate for a widow. And her new daughter-in-law, younger just by a few years, had taken over all responsibilities for the household. It really seemed that the short meeting with him gave her much comfort. She could forget for a while, she could re-live what once was beautiful and she had him all for herself. But did she? Guilt. Guilt was his daily bread now. Guilt towards her. He kept telling himself nothing had changed. He was still willing to suffer over the distances that separated them. He was still paining over his lost dreams and hopes. And yet.... yet something was different. He felt pity and sadness, he felt the gentle affection and need to protect her, to make her happier, he felt like watching her beautiful face all day long. But finally had to admit to himself that the desire, the longing, the feeling his heart might just burst at a mere sight of her - were gone. He didn't want her anymore. And that was his crime. His sin, that he had allowed to happen. That he let somebody else into his heart. But no. No, he did not. It was not his heart that opened up, it was the dark magic of those dark eyes.
Leave! That's what he told her every single time she crossed his thoughts. Leave! You have no right on me! But she kept coming back. Not only in the night, when there was nothing to distract him, but lately even more often she would just appear in his mind during those moments with Paro. Sometimes with a seductive smile, sometimes with her eyes closed in passion, sometimes he almost felt her touching his skin with cool, light fingers. How dared she? He was in a holy place, with the most innocent creature, and she actually dared to malign the sanctity of it all!
He tried to block her out, ignore her, but it seemed she became ever present in his life. And he hated her. He had to. And he had to love Paro. Because that was the right thing to do. He had done enough of nonsense and wrong. He needed to do it all right this time.
"Dev?"
Paro's light eyes in the porcelain face were
watching him curiously. He realized he had not
been listening at all to what she had said. And she was not silly enough not to notice.
"What are you thinking about? This is not the first time you seem thousands of miles away. What is troubling you?"
He shook his head, but she was not fooled.
"Why do you lie to me? Don't you trust me?"
More guilt to his shoulders over her hurt tone. Oh
Paro! What am I to tell you? That I don't love you
anymore? Could you bear that or would it kill you? You would be asking why. And I cannot tell you the reason. Because it scares me. Because I'm too weak to resist.
"I will tell you one day," he answered simply. Yes,
one day. When the evil spell is broken and my love for you returns. It had left from my heart when it became too dirty a place for its purity. The sorceress has me in her power. Let me fight her first. Let me defeat her first. Then I will tell you.
"Can you come and tell me to Manikpur?"
"You are leaving?"
"Yashomati and her baby are healthy and fine. There is no reason for me to stay any more. I am leaving tommorow."
He said nothing. Paro was leaving. She was going away. And he would be either left all alone in Chitpore, a city laced with memories of Chandramukhi, or he would have to go to the country, directly to her. And he would be too vulnerable without Paro near him. This was wrong. He needed Paro to fight the evil one. To break her magic. To free himself.
