One Shots

Fanmail

"THOSE MISERABLE PERVERT!"

I cover my ear holes and cringe as my boyfriend screams at what I'm assuming ta be a particularly dirty piece of fanmail.

"Picture or letter?"

I ask as I walk into da dining room just in time ta see him holding da sheet of paper over a small, green flame hovering over his upward facing palm.

"No! Wait! Let me see first!"

With an annoyed sigh, he hands da paper over. I eagerly grab it and study it.

It's an image of da two of us playin' Hankey Pankey.

"I mean... Dey ain't wrong."

"Shut up, Anthony!"

I try not to snicker.

"It's accurate too. I mean, me I understand. I ain't exactly modest and my body's all over da place. But how da hell did dey capture da size of your di-"

"Final warning, Anthony Ragno."

"Alright, alright. But can I at least keep it?"

He huffs.

"I suppose. But I'm still going to kill them."

"Whatever ya say, babe. Mind if I watch?"

"I don't see why not. It would be a pleasure to put on a show for you, my dear."

I smile and kiss him.

"Tell me when."

"Tonight."

"Oooo.~ My baby knows how ta have fun!"

________________________
I watch from a small distance as Alastor is welcomed into da house by da people who drew da picture. Dey're too busy fangirlin' ta notice much of anyding, so even if Alastor was a novice they'd be easy to kill.

Dey must be new. Either dat,  or dey pay as much attention ta politics as I do.

Most people who know Alastor freak out when dey even see him. Da last  ding dey wanna do is let em in.

Unless you're a princess bent on not listening to ya girlfriend right after asking for her advice-

Soon enough, Al's draggin' two unconscious bodies outta da house. I walk over ta get a betta look.

"Do ya wanna kill em both, or can I have one?"

"You can have whichever one you want, mon amour. Promise to make them suffer?"

I nod with sadistic jubilation.

"You know it, babe!"

I smirk.

I pick up one of the people by da arms and throw dem over my shoulder. Al does da same. It's easier to carry dem to da car dis way.

_______________________

"Alright. Which too do you want, dear?"

"Ya know. I ain't never tried a chainsaw."

"You should know better than to choose something so noisy. And think of the mess! I'm not against blood spray, but-"

He cringes.

"Just- Something else, please."

"Ugh. So borin'. Fine.  I'll just use my powers."

"How unexpected."

"Eh, well. It's nice ta mix it up. Guns are nice and all, but usein' da same ding gets old after a while. And you make it look fun. Sure, I don't have da same powers as you, but eh. I'll just have ta improvise."

"This will be interesting to watch."

Al crosses his arms with a look dat tells me he can't wait ta see how dis plays out.

Neither can I.

________________________

I think I'll end it here. This oneshot was inspired by me suddenly remembering a conversation I had with AngelTeaofFanfic and PJOfan10042.

One of them said something about what if someone drew a dirty picture of Al and sent it to him. I said he would probably burn it and immediately kill them.

Bambi, I think, agreed that was something he'd do.

So I made it into a oneshot.