We Are Young!. [𝘍𝘛𝘔+ 𝘉𝘹𝘉]

[1] Realization,Confusion And Denial

I stared at myself in the mirror that hung from my bathroom door for what felt like the hundredth time today when it was probably only the second or third.
I made a small disgusted noise and messed with my slightly frizzy an wavey but straight dirty blond hair with the average middle part that fell to about mid bicep.

it's not overly long but it's not exactly short either, it's just long enough to be a pain, it constantly tangles with any slight breeze, if the humidity is weird, it will poof up and be a frizzy mess and is a pain to style when both down or up in some sort of hair style, so it's basically just a huge pain in the ass.

I then looked at my eyes, they're a honey color, not yellow but not super brown, I look much like my father and mother's daughter, I have my mother's eyes, but I have my father's blond hair and fair pale skin, I've grown up being called a mini girl version of him though I'd rather be nothing like him.

I have a hourglass like figure but also a cereal box figure, I'm not really curvy and I like it that way.

The more I stare in the mirror the closer I get to breakdown for some odd reason, when I look at myself it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like I should be seeing a girl's body, it doesn't feel like I should see a girl who's wearing makeup, who has long hair, who's wearing a dress or skirt or overly feminine clothes.

It's nauseating honestly, I need to stop looking at myself before I completely breakdown.

I walked over to my bathroom counter, I took a quick glance in the vanity type mirror before digging in one of the drawers, my mind just seemingly blank,
finding a pair of hair scissors, I honestly thought I had lost, I took the pair of scissors into my hand, looking back in the mirror i took a section of my hair in my hand, hesitantly putting the scissors up to the section of hair

With a moment of slight realization of what the fuck I was doing I quickly dropped the scissors and section of hair; I shook my head and picked the scissors up off the floor and sat them on the bathroom counter gently.

I really wanted to do it, I really did but at the same time I don't want to because it won't fix anything, it will just start fights with my parents.

I walked out the bathroom and into my bedroom next door, I walked straight up to my dresser that on top held my cd player ,I turned it on and hit play, I enjoy CDs quite a bit more then playlists on apps for some odd reason, I think it's because you can choose what exact album you want from what exact artist or you can make your own cd by illegally transferring songs to them, I don't know I think I'm stuck in the 2000s sometimes.

I moved to sit on the end of my bed, then continued to flop onto my back and started at the ceiling blankly, this went on for a good three to five songs until something in my mind just said 'fuck it' making me get up and march my ass back into the bathroom, closing the door behind me and walking back up to the sink, picking up the scissors and a section of hair and snipping it.

I did this until my hair was a little bit higher than my chin, slightly shorter in the back and longer in the front, I now had frizzy bangs that hung in my eyes but could easily be moved to the side so I could see clearly, my hair was just short and poofy and that made me happy.

I give myself a small smile before actually realizing what I've done, the joy lasted for about a whole thirty seconds then realization hit me like how my fish hit the floor before being flushed at his funeral, the different lengths of hair on the floor and counter now had me starting to panic as I stared at it all honestly scared shitless and oblivious to everything else, obviously not hearing the door behind me open but of course heard the loud, horrified gasp that came from my mother "Lilith Vitale!! What have you done?!!" My mother exclaimed as she stood in the doorway, that sure brought me back to reality.