His Reason to Live - Hwang Inyeop Short Story

Chapter 1: Am I ready?

Warning: Suicide content
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I'm standing on the empty bridge and waiting for the dark. I've decided, this is the time. I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on the bridge's railing. Will someone try to find me? Will someone try to save me? Don't get me wrong, I am ready to do this, those thoughts just crossed my mind. I chuckled inward with the thought. You, stupid! No one will come to save you. No one even cares or knows you exist.

I fluttered my eyes open and gave the world one last admiration. The trees, the birds chirping, nestled and just waiting for the sun to set, the orange sky which indicates that light will soon be enveloped by darkness. Just like what will happen to me right now. Just like what I plan to happen.

I sighed a very long one and looked down at the river waiting for me... inviting me. One by one, my fingers start to lose their grip. Just as I was about to let go, a voice stopped me.

"Ending your life?" I looked to where the voice came from and saw a woman standing just a few feet away from me. She as well is facing the sun with a smile on her face. Why will she smile upon seeing a person about to end his life?

"I've been watching you for a while. You've been here for an hour now. Why don't you just jump?" My eyebrows mushed upon hearing what she said. Is she mocking me?

"Want to hear my opinion?" She faced me and at that moment, I knew I'd already seen this woman somewhere. I just can't remember where. "You being here for an hour and haven't jumped yet means you are hesitating. And if you are hesitating it means you are scared."

"Me? Scared?"

"Yes. You. Scared." She repeated.

I scoffed as I looked at the sky then looked at her again. "I've never been scared," my eyes and voice quiver.

"Really? Then jump!" She mocked me again. I once again stare at the river below me. I took one foot out of the bridge, readying myself to jump. Jump! Just jump! Why can't I jump?! This is frustrating! This woman messed up my mind.

"See? You can't," she said and gave me that victorious smile.

"Excuse me but do I know you?" I said with a tone full of sarcasm. Wait a minute, I remember where I saw this woman. I saw her at the bar I went to last night. I jumped over the railing, away from the huge river and strode towards her.

"I knew I've seen you before. Are you following me?" My eyes turned into slits.

"Drink it up! Drink it up!" The crowd of people I don't know shouted as I continuously gulp the huge glass of liquor, and when I say huge I mean pitcher size hugeness. My mind is in chaos and my head is spinning. The loud music pounds on my ear and makes my headache worse. But all these did not stop me. These people cheering made me feel like I'm a person, that I am not invisible. They make me feel alive.

I finished the liquor in one go without a single drop wasted. The crowd cheered louder as I loudly placed the bottle on the wooden table. I smiled at the crowd, waiting for more response...but no one smiled back. Everyone left after the show I gave them, just like what always happens. Everyone. Gone. Me. Alone.

They all went back to their group of friends. Dancing, drinking, chattering and having fun. While here I am, left alone, like what always happens. I tried to squeeze myself in the crowd of people dancing in the middle of the bar. My head now spins a hundred times more than earlier and still, it did not stop me.

"Will you please back off?!" A girl hissed as I grind myself at her. I gave her my signature smirk.

"Feisty one, huh?" I grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer. "I know you wanted it." I slurred.

"I said back off!" She tried to loosen my grip on her wrist but failed. I was about to give this girl a lot of fun when a punch landed on my face which made me stumble back.

"You, drunkard!" He was about to give me another punch which I will gladly accept, I was thinking I will die anyway, but a woman blocks herself in between me and the muscled guy.

"Stand back! I'll teach this jackass a lesson!" The guy growled.

"Teach him a lesson?" the woman scoffed. "Maybe it is your girlfriend who you should teach a lesson!" She shouted through the loudness of the hype music. The muscled guy frowned at what he heard.

"I've been watching from afar since earlier and saw your girlfriend flirting with different guys. She just provoked this guy here," she pointed at me. "Since your girlfriend dances and rubs her skin on every guy she sees, this guy just wants to finish what your girlfriend started!"

The muscled guy glared at her girlfriend and the latter continuously shook her head and waved her hand like she's very defensive of what this woman said. Who is this woman? Why is she helping me?

"Get a hold of your girlfriend before you punch another person's face!" The woman faced me and I flinched a little. This woman has guts! She grabs my hand and leads me out of the bar. I was invited by the night breeze and being out here somehow relieves my headache.

"You could have made the situation worse," the woman said and I just stared at her. She's blurry. Oh God, headache!

"Who are you?" I remembered I asked. She did not answer and just stared at me. I wanted to ask her again and seek an answer but my head is already spinning a million times faster. The last thing I remembered is that I fell on the ground laughing and darkness ate me. I woke up on the side of the street the next morning.

"I see you've sobered up," she said and faced the setting sun again.

"I was asking if you're following me?" I said and irritation could be heard in my voice.

She faced me and her lips curved a little and formed a small smile. "What if I am?"

"Why?"

"You're alone..."

I raked my hair up from frustration. This girl is getting on my nerves. "Listen," I walked closer. "I don't need your sympathy! If you think you know how I feel just because you saw me alone and about to end my life, SCREW OFF!"

"Who says I pity you?" She said, still wearing that smile.

"If not then why, huh? Why are you following me? Why?" My voice raised.

"Because I need a companion..." She said in a low voice. "I'm alone, too."

My eyebrows mushed from what I heard. "Tell you what," she moved away from the bridge's railing and walked closer. She's close to the point that her presence is intimidating. "Go with me, be with me for 24 hours. Then decide if you still want to kill yourself."