Because Of Love

Twenty Four

March 5, 1996

Janet and Tupac were in bed with Elijah between them. Even though Rene had been arrested, it only gave temporary relief to a long term problem. She couldn't really sleep. In the rare instances that she did sleep, they were riddled with nightmares.

When Janet did sleep, Tupac would take Elijah and put him in his crib. He knew Janet would get mad, but he didn't care. He wanted her to sleep without the incessant worrying about their son.

They were still at Hayvenhurst, staying in one of the guest rooms. Tupac took a quick trip back to their house to get some clothes for Elijah, Janet and himself.

When Tupac had left, Janet sat down and talked down to Mariah and her mother. Mariah held Elijah so Janet could talk.
"How are you feeling, baby girl?" Katherine asked.
Janet instantly hugged her mother and broke down into tears.

"I'm so mad at myself, Mother.." She sobbed.
"Jay, it's not your fault." Mariah said reassuringly.
She pulled back from the hug, "How could I have been so careless?"
"You weren't being careless, you were just doing what anyone would do in that situation: pushing through. You couldn't let your fear take over your life. It's not your fault. How could anyone have known he would do something this crazy? Mariah said sympathetically.

It didn't matter what anyone said, Janet still felt like a failure.
'What kind of mother am I? I couldn't even protect my baby.'

Right now, Elijah was sleeping peacefully while Janet sang to him softly. Runaway always seemed to do the trick. She never got tired of singing it to him because it was his song. Being with him and Tupac seemed to be the only thing to keep her anxiety at bay.
"He's getting so big now." She sighed.
"I know. He's already crawling, next thing you know he'll be walking." Tupac said.

He could sense how calm Janet was by the expression on her face. Ever since the night they finally reconnected, Janet wasn't as anxious as she could've been. She knew as long as they had each other, they could whether any storm no matter how big or turbulent. It made his heart smile to see that smile he loved so much on her face.

"Baby?"
"Hmm?" Janet replied.
"You look so beautiful." He said sincerely.
"Thank you, Pookie." She blushed.
He held her hand. "You know I have to go record today right?"
"Yes." She said quietly. He could already see the tears clouding her eyes about to fall.
"Baby, please don't cry."
He hated seeing her like this, so frazzled and shaken up. He'd seen Janet cry plenty of times before but this was different. She was the type to cry when she thought about how much she loved her husband or how thankful she was to have a beautiful baby.

Now when she cried, it was never just tears running down her cheeks. It was full on sobbing that wracked her whole body, her trembling voice, body shakes and guilt and worry in those eyes.

He truly didn't like to see her so despondent and anxious. He did the best thing he could do. He held her when she cried, let her talk when she felt comfortable to and was just there for her.

It'd been two days since Rene had been arrested but Janet still couldn't bring herself to even go outside, it was no relief to her. How could it be? Elijah still had a cut on his cheek and Janet probably had PTSD.

She did know Tupac had fucked Rene up pretty bad which made her feel a little bit better. She knew as long as they were married no one would harm her or Elijah and get away with it.

"What can I do to make you feel better, Square?" He stroked her cheek.
"Stay here with me." She pleaded.
"Is there anything else I can do?"
"Well, there is one thing." She smirked.
"Baby, Elijah's in here."
"Can you take him to my mother for a bit? I just..really need this, Pookie. We're both stressed, you know we could use this time to relieve stress. Do you think you can be like an hour late to see Treach?"