Self Help

Sweet Child of Mine

While I was still chasing Nathan, my pursuit was interrupted by a school trip to Boston with my twelfth grade class. I should have given up by this point, but I - the eternal optimist- was unwilling to let go of him. I worried that being gone for a week would erase the "progress" I'd made in our "relationship", but there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't even have a cellphone to keep in contact with him. So I hugged him goodbye, and promised to bring him a souvenir puck from the Bruins game.

There is nothing like the false sense of freedom experienced by a bunch of highschoolers who are away from their parents for a week, bunking in hotel rooms shared with their friends while being chaperoned by wary teachers. We thought we'd died and gone to heaven. For me, this was a welcome relief from the strict supervision of my parents.

A few days into the trip, I was making my way back on to our tour bus to my usual spot with my friends, when I found a curly haired eleventh grader in my seat. "Move", I commanded, and he did immediately (I can be very intimidating when I want to be). Being seniors, my friends and I were throughly enjoying our time at the top of the social ladder, and even though he and his friends were cute, we weren't about to let them step out of rank.

Later that night we heard a knock on our hotel room door. I answered to find my friend Alex, clearly drunk, and the same kid who'd stolen my seat standing shyly behind him.

"Ugh, not you - I hate you!" I sighed, annoyed.

I grabbed Alex by the collar and yanked him into the room, and after a moment of hesitation, beckoned shy guy to follow. Boys in our hotel rooms we definitely a no-no for our Catholic school chaperones, but I couldn't very well leave him standing alone in the hallway.

Once inside our room, Alex revealed a flask of whiskey he'd smuggled in his luggage. It was empty, and it was clear he wasn't the only one who'd enjoyed it's contents. Then he introduced me to Aidan, who he explained he knew from playing hockey.

I had to admit, Aidan was pretty darn cute. He was about 6'1, tall and lanky with dirty blonde curls and green eyes. Our attraction was instant, and as much as I wanted to ignore him, just looking at him made me smile. We'd spent the day freezing our asses off in the snow at Fenway Park, so we were eager to get warm. A few of my friends had gathered in my room and we all laid on the beds together, laughing and gossiping, cuddled together to stay warm.

Aidan ended up beside me and we talked the whole night. By the end of it I was falling asleep as I lay with my head on his shoulder. Nathan who? I was completely infatuated.

For the rest of the trip Aidan and I would spend time together every day, getting to know one another and laughing all the time. This was a bit complicated because Alex had recently confessed to me that he had feelings for me, and it was obvious that there was something between Aidan and I.

At the Bruins vs. Maple Leafs game, our group seemed to be made up of the only Leafs fans in the arena.  When the Leafs beat the Bruins, we were escorted to our bus by security guards, as they were clearly worried that trash talking teenagers would be pummeled by disappointed Bruins fans. I bought Nathan the Bruin's puck I'd promised him, but I felt really confused. How could everything have changed so quickly?

When we returned to school, Aidan and I stayed in contact. After travelling together, many of our friends became mutual and soon there was gossip that he was interested in me. One weekend shortly after we got back, I was working at the Library (my super geeky after school job), and I saw Aidan there at one of the tables. I blushed so much I'm sure my whole body turned red, and I waited for him to awknowledge me. He motioned for me to come over to his table, and when I did, I saw that although he seemed to be hard at work, he was actually just drawing a full-page doodle instead of working. His artwork was amazing - which was lucky because his essay was called "Dragons - do they exist?". Clearly it needed some work.

Aidan wouldn't admit it, but I was pretty sure he'd come to see me. He waited until I was finished work and then walked me home. When we got to my house he gave me a lingering hug and then turned to leave.

"Jeez, what do I have to do to get your number?" I asked.

He smiled from ear to ear and scrawled it on a small piece of paper. I couldn't wait to call him.

When I finally got up the nerve to call him we spoke for almost three hours. There was something about him that made me feel like we'd known each other forever. We talked about everything. Our families (he had a twin brother and his father worked out of province a lot), our interests (his, like mine, included music and art), and our pasts (we had both been geeky and not fit in when we were younger). We just clicked.

Christmas was approaching and one day "All I want for Christmas is You" was playing on the PA system, and I was doing a silly dance to make my friends laugh. Aidan came around the corner and I was mortified, but he just laughed. He was completely accepting of all of my crazy quirks, and I felt instantly at ease with him. I felt that I'd finally met someone that I could be myself around.

The first time I went to hang out with him outside of school, I was so nervous I felt sick to my stomach. My dad drove me to Aidan's house and as we pulled into the driveway, I saw my co-worker Brent in the next driveway. I felt really awkward about this, so I hid. My dad thought I was being completely ridiculous, but still watched until Brent had gone inside and then gave me the okay to bring my head up from between my knees. I got out of the car and I fell up the stairs. I was a disaster and I hadn't even made it to his door.

After I'd finally managed to make it inside his house, we went down to his basement to watch a movie. He gave me a tour of his fathers' sports paraphanalia while we nervously ventured in and out of each others' personal space. Eventually we settled on a movie (I think it was "Too Fast, Too Furious") and we lay on the couch spooning to watch it. He had this cologne that smelled like warm apple cider, and I couldn't focus on anything but the feeling of his warm body beside mine. My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest as I turned to him and we both leaned in for our first kiss. After what seemed like a lifetime I pulled away and he smiled.

"Hi," I said breathlessly.

"Hi," he chuckled back as he leaned in for more.

And that was that. We never had to question each other's intentions or feelings. We began that night and we were always together after that. He was kind and patient as he navigated through the walls I'd put up to protect myself after Jake.

We spent all of our free time either together or on the phone with each other. We would even write long notes to each other and exchange them between classes to read during the day. I got to know his family and loved them, and we quickly settled into a routine of visits at his house, dinner with his family, and long walks with his dogs in the evening.

My parent's loved Aidan and they were relieved to see me with someone so sweet after the ordeal I'd just been through with Jake. My mother told me that Aidan was like my golden retriever, he was so bright eyed and eager to please. Being a year younger, it seemed like he almost felt lucky to be dating a senior.

Only a month into our relationship, Valentine's Day came. He was so excited to celebrate it for the first time with a girlfriend, but also very nervous that he wouldn't do well.

I arrived at his house for our date to find a pink heart shaped note on the door. The note explained that I would be going on a scavenger hunt for clues until I found him. The first note told me to find the shirt that he wore on our first date. He left a note on that brown waffle shirt telling me to find the CD with our song on it. The clue on his Aerosmith CD (yes, our song was "I don't want to miss a thing") instructed me to find him in the place where we shared our first kiss.

I rushed awkwardly past his twin brother and his date in the kitchen to find Aidan in the basement with a huge bouquet of roses, standing there with our song playing in the background. He was adorable, and I couldn't have dreamed of anything sweeter. He gave me a diamond heart necklace and a card telling me how much he cared about me, and how great our time had been together so far. I could feel myself relaxing, finally starting to trust that I was safe in a way with Aidan that I never had been with Jake.