Self Help

Umbrella

After Valentine's day our relationship only grew stronger. I felt like a completely different person. Through Aidan's kindness I gained a confidence that I'd thought Jake had destroyed forever. My family loved him, and over time I was able to mend my relationships with the friend's I'd distanced myself from, and they welcomed Aidan into our circle with open arms.

Aidan was sweet and genuine and really funny - whenever I was with him I was smiling ear to ear. He always made me laugh and soon we had so many inside jokes it was like we spoke a language entirely our own.

I knew that everything would change when I graduated, and the fact that Aidan was a year younger than me complicated everything. I'd already sent away my applications for University before I'd even met Aidan, setting my sights on top schools that were a minimum of four hours away. After waiting my whole life to get out of my small town, I suddenly couldn't remember why I'd been in such a rush to go.

One night when Aidan and I were at his house, we got on the subject of University, and I told him how stressed I was. My friends had begun receiving early acceptances to some of the schools I'd applied to and I was itching to hear back. I found myself in tears, embarassed and worried that I wouldn't get in. I called my parents to tell them that I would be staying a little later.

"Are you sure you don't want to come home now?" my mom asked.

Of course I didn't want to go home early, spending time with Aidan was my favourite thing in the world.

When I made it home that evening I found a huge envelope waiting on the counter, illuminated by the stove light that my parents kept on when they were still waiting for kids to come home at night. It was my early acceptance to my first choice school.

Everything was about to change, and as excited as I was, I couldn't help but wish I had more time.

Eventually all five schools sent me acceptance letters, and although the last thing I wanted to do was leave Aidan, I picked the school I'd first set my heart on, because I knew I had to make the choice that was right for me. The only problem was that school was six hours away. That decision meant committing to a year (at least!) of long distance phonecalls, endless skype chats and seeing each other once every four to six weeks.

A few months into our relationship we told each other "I love you". My relationship with Aidan had everything I'd been  missing with Jake. I knew that what I'd thought was love before couldn't even compare. My love for Aidan was built on friendship and a shared mutual respect that I'd never felt with Jake. Aidan was kind and patient, sensitive and open. He trusted me, and was gentle with my feelings, he didn't rush me to put my trust in him - instead he worked hard to show me why he deserved it.

 Aidan was truly my first love.

After I'd sent away my acceptance, we tried our best to forget about it University, ignoring our impending seperation in an attempt to make the best of the time we still had together.

It was pretty easy to think about other things, because Aidan had just found out his father filed for divorce from his mother. Aidan's father had been living across the country in British Columbia for months, having re-located for business. He would fly home every once and awhile to visit the boys, but his visits were becoming more strained as tension grew between his parents, and were happening further and further apart.

I had no idea how to support him. All of a sudden we had both been thrust into a world we knew nothing about.

Aidan's twin brother Jason had recently started dating a new girl and was distant from Aidan, fully consumed in the happiness of new love.

Somehow the months passed and Aidan did his best to hold together the pieces of his broken family. Aidan would bring me along for support through awkward dinners when his dad was in town, time spent catching up when his mom's abscence was palpable. Afterwards he would be very quiet, torn between the excitement of seeing his dad who he loved so dearly and being angry at the hurt this was causing his family.

Often we would go for long walks, or picnics after school so that he could avaoid going home. When we were there we could sometimes hear his mother crying in her bedroom. We would make dinner quietly and eat alone, then slip out the back door.

Prom was approaching and the excitement was a welcome distraction to both of us. By that time all of my friends' acceptances had come and we knew that in a few short months we would be spread across the province, and for some of us, even across the world. The group of tight girlfriends I'd found in highschool would soon be broken apart, and since one of us was leaving the night of our graduation, prom would be our last hurrah.

 When the day finally came we got together at my friend Winnie's house, after getting our hair and nails done. We spent the day hanging around in our sweats and listening to girly music. I truly believe that the way to celebrate any special occassion is to spend multiple hours primping.

Everyone arrived at Winnie's and when I saw Aidan I felt butterflies in my stomach. It was as if this was our first date, I felt so nervous. I must have stabbed myself five times with the pin trying to get his boutineir on before my mother had to step in and do the honours. Puppy love. We lined up in front of our limo and took countless pictures with our dates, awkwardly smiling into the ten cameras all pointing from different directions.

Prom was perfect. We danced, we laughed, we kissed and danced some more. Aidan held me close when he should for romantic dances, let me go when I wanted to be with my friends. I spent the night surrounded by my most favourite people in the world.

After the dance we headed to my friend Nicole's house for the after party. She had a huge house in the country and we kept the party going until the early morning.  Aidan had to leave early for work, so his mom picked him up at seven am, after we'd only gone to sleep at four. When he'd gone, I walked down the hall with my huge comforter wrapped around me to find my friends Jordan and Sarah who were bunking together in Nathan's room. We cuddled together in Nicole's spare room king size bed well into the morning.

Eventually we said our goodbyes, and Nathan drove me home in his dad's truck, speeding down the back roads and blaring "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." As I looked around the truck to the faces of my friends, I realized how far I'd come and everything I'd been through. None of the bad things seemed to matter any more. It was as if Jake had been a bad dream, and Aidan's parents' divorce too. I felt like I wanted to live in that moment of freedom and happiness for the rest of my life.

I closed my eyes and wished I could feel seventeen forever.