ᴇɴᴅᴜʀᴇ & ꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴇ~ | Ellie Williams

God I Wish That You Had Thought This Through

All the angst? All the angst.

TW: None? Yelling and implied unintentional cheating

Summary; Y/n confronts Ellie about the night she got drunk

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Ellie tapped her foot impatiently in front of you. "Come on, Y/n. What is it?"

You held your breath, a tear sliding down your cheek and onto the hardware floor beneath you. "I wish I could hate you, but I... can't." You admit, not wanting to even face Ellie right now. Even without seeing her face – the same face you've kissed and loved for years now – you just knew, she was nearly breaking down, too.

"Y/n..."

"I saw you, Ellie. I saw you kiss her!" You shouted. You didn't mean to, but when Ellie touched your shoulder you couldn't help it. You loved Ellie so much and didn't want to see her hurt, but this felt far too beyond repair.

"I- I'm so sorry, Y/n. It was-"

"No, it wasn't just a kiss," you replied, already knowing what she was about to say. You guys worked in sync like that. So much so, you often finished each other's sentences. "You kissed her, tongue and all, and then left with her. We went to that party together and I left without you. What's up with that?" your voice shattered at the thought, and Ellie could tell you were moments away from having a full blown meltdown.

"I was drunk! I never meant to kiss Dina, she was just dancing with me, and everything happened so suddenly." Ellie was frantic to explain herself, she knew she did wrong, and now she knew that in order to get her soulmate back into her life, she had to pull a few strings.

All you did was stare at her face. You knew your eyes were probably red from all the crying you did this week. Today had been the only day you could face Ellie without feeling sick and crying in the first 2 seconds.

"I bet you didn't even think twice before leaving me at the party." You hoarsely croaked out, trying to clear your voice of the sad that had been lacing it all week. All week since that party.

"Y/n..."

"Just..." your voice cracked even more. You looked up at Ellie, who was only a slight inch taller than you. Your heart broke when you looked at her. The look on her face told the stories of your guys' memories. All the things you did together, you were basically inseparable since the day you met. And after you started dating, you thought that this was the girl you would die with. "leave." You finally finished your sentence after what felt like ever, except it was barely audible. But Ellie heard it. She heard everything you wanted to say. And those two words, were what finally made her cry.

A single tear pricked at her eye, before rolling down her cheek. "Y/n, please..."

"Just go, Ellie. Why don't you go to Dina's house? Sure she would love the company." You slid past Ellie and sat on your bed, bringing your knees to your chest. Ellie felt so bad that she had been the one to make you feel like this. So insecure about your relationship because why? She got drunk and made a mistake?

"You and I both know I don't want that, Y//n/n." Ellie said in the lowest and most comforting voice she could muster.

"No, I don't think I do know that..." You replied as quietly as a mouse tiptoeing through a field of grain. And still, to your amazement, Ellie heard exactly what you said.

"Babe..." Ellie knelt in front of you, cupping your cheek in her hand. She gently rubbed her thumb against your bare skin. To her surprise, you didn't pull away. Instead, you leaned into her touch, and broke down crying, closing your eyes. Ellie saw hope. If she could just get you to listen...

But to her surprise, you were the first to speak. "You know what they say? They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I think... it just made me numb." You took a breath, leaning back against the headboard of the bed. Ellie furrowed her eyebrows. She knew this was wrong, but maybe, you would realize how much she really did love you.

Without much thought, Ellie pushed her head towards yours, causing your lips to collide in an unexpected kiss. You unsurprisingly flinched at the contact, but Ellie had already placed a hand behind your head to stop you from pulling away.

Ellie kissed you until she was breathless. Only then did she pull away to catch her breath, letting you catch yours as well. She expected you to say something, anything, but you stayed silent, huffing for air and staring at the ground. Your face was unreadable, even for Ellie.

"Ellie..." after what felt like hours of silence, you spoke up, adverting your gaze to Ellie's face, tears once again threatening to spill. You felt so vulnerable. "Please, Ellie. I know that no matter what I do, or where I go, or, or... anything, the sun is still going to set, and rise, and the days are still going to pass-"

Ellie couldn't tell where you were going with this. So she held her breathe and awaited your finish.

"-So, please. Tell me you'll be here tomorrow. I'm tired of spending everyday alone. Just say you love me. I don't care if it's not true. Please, I need to hear you say it."

Ellie swiftly moved to engulf you in a hug, her arms tightening around your body. "I love you, it IS true. It always has been, and always will. I never meant to kiss her, or make you feel like you weren't enough. I was drunk, and she was there. It was wrong timing and wrong placing. You're the only person I love, Y/n."

You choked back tears as you stuffed your face into the crook of her neck, your hands gripping at her shirt. Ellie rested her chin on your shoulder, daring to say more.

"Tell me I was wrong in a hundred different languages, break up with me, find someone new, anything, and I will still be here tomorrow. Right by your side if that's where you let me be."

Those words were enough to bring you comfort. You loved Ellie, and knew her well enough to know that she hadn't meant anything by it. It was a meaningless kiss. And although it was hard to force yourself to believe it, you were willing to try. For her.

You pulled away, your dull eyes looking for any lies in her words. But you found none, nothing. Her face was traced with only love and adoration for you. That was something very obvious.

And then, Ellie seen a small smile creep onto your face. It was a small and sad one, but it was a smile nonetheless. And that gave her hope.

"I love you, and want you back in my life. It hurt to see you and Dina tangled in each other's arms, but I can forget about that as long as you give me a reason to forget it." You reminded her, making her nod On the surface she looked satisfied, but deep down, she was ecstatic.

Ellie stood up to leave, grabbing her bag. "I'll... be back tomorrow to pick you up for patrol?" Ellie offered lightly, shyly looking at you from the side.

"Actually... I was thinking you could just stay?" you spoke up with the same shyness that Ellie had. To your surprise, she smiled, throwing her bag to the ground and kicking her boots off.

"I'd like that." Ellie whispered as she climbed into bed with you, letting you cuddle into her. And in that moment, Ellie knew, you both would be just fine.