Nothing To Prove

27 The Final Chapter

Ashton

I took Sam to Luka's dance class, out of sight from security guards and cameras. Upbeat pop boomed on the speakers. Kids in colorful clothes jumped like little minions, following Luka's instructions. 

I pulled Sam against a wall. "What the hell happened? Are you high?"  

"I am not!" She crossed her arms. "Shouldn't you be proud? I finally don't give a crap!"

I expected a mortified response. Her signature gesture when she hid behind her hands, saying how horrible, how embarrassed she was. But she looked... different. Yes, her cheeks were flushed like bricks. She was breathless. Pupils dilated from adrenaline. But she was glowing.

"There you are. Where'd you go?" Mom interrupted, dad tagging behind. "Oh, hi, dear!" 

My parents made it impossible to talk. Then Cara joined. And Luka finished his class. Sam kept close to them, sneaking glances every now and then. We made our way out into the parking lot, where everyone got in the car except the two of us. 

For a moment, we just stared at each other. 

The wind blew Sam's hair and dress aside, but I appreciated the breeze on my sweaty back. It was hot enough to fry an egg on the hood of a car.

I shielded my eyes. "You free later to talk?"

"I have a night shift from 9 to 2," she answered quickly.

"I finish around 3." 

"I can stop by after my shift is over?" 

Nice. I'd refrained from suggesting the same thing, hoping she would. "Sounds good." 

"I'll see you soon, then." She gave an unsure smile before spinning toward Cara's car.

Okaaay, it was awkward. But what did she expect? That I'd fall on my knees and act like nothing had happened? No. What I really wanted, was to grab her and kiss her to make up for all the weeks I hadn't. Kiss her like it was final. That she was mine. No doubt or argument about it. 

But I didn't. Couldn't. Because it didn't matter. At the end of the day, I could give her my heart on a silver platter. It didn't mean she'd take it. And there was nothing I could do about it. 

So the whole ride home, I weighed the pros and cons. Pros. She'd grown. Now that I knew her stage outburst was sober and she didn't regret it, I was quite proud. She'd finally let go of her obsession to impress people who didn't matter. 

Cons. I had no clue whether this newfound confidence was short-lived. Could've been a meltdown high. Then she'd crash and go back to her old ways. Or, if she was actually becoming more confident, what did that mean for us? 

Did she still want me the same way? Because I didn't want to be a crutch anymore to ease her insecurities. I wanted to be more. A lot more, but I wasn't sure if she could handle it.

I dropped Luka off at our parents. Drove home and showered. Took a quick nap before work. Then changed into my usual clothes: black jeans and shirt, with silver rings and sneakers. My fucking hair had grown so long. I looked like Justin Bieber with dark under eye bags. 

I'd even been skipping the gym. Might as well have stocked up on buckets of ice-cream and cried to chick-flicks in my pajamas. No, too much. Well, I did eat salami in Sam's room two nights ago. Whatever. I reached for the electric razor. Time for that buzzcut I'd been thinking about.