ALAN - An Alan Rickman fanfic

Chapter 28 - Sex and Sensibilities

Time for Chapter 28! Check the image above. You're in for a treat! Place yourself in Ava's shoes, let's go! 

Hope you enjoy it!! Don't forget to vote if you do! <3 Much love all, thank you! 

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As you can surely imagine, such a night with Alan left me with a spring in my step and a fire in my belly. My heart was full and so were my prospects. He seemed to look at me differently that night, hold me differently, even sex felt differently especially for the second time that evening. It was tender, heartfelt... The time before, we had been so desperate to be skin to skin in our reunion that it was wild and lascivious.

That night I melted in Alan's arms. As our breathing regained regularity, he pulled the covers up high around my shoulders, squeezed an arm to my back and pulled me close with a kiss on the top of my head. The feeling was indescribable. I smiled, a secret smile. That night it felt as if both of us had exchanged keys to unlock the doors to a deeper part of ourselves. It felt wonderful, liberating.

We spoke afterwards, skin to skin, heart to heart in the darkness. Alan promised me that the relationship between him and Lizzy was long extinguished. I knew it probably wasn't the right place or the time to be asking questions. It was risky I know, laying here basking in the afterglow of a sumptuous session, yet at the same time, I knew I had his full attention, and rarely, his vulnerability. My curiosity got the better of me and gently I asked if he and Lizzy had slept together. Alan never answered it directly. He simply said,

"And how is knowing the answer to that question going to serve any relevance to us going forward?"

There was my answer. I didn't like the thought of Lizzy who I'd grown to know so well and saw as a close friend and at times motherly, sleeping with Alan. Lizzy was much older than me too in her forties and I admit, I felt a little threatened by this. What if she was more experienced and better in bed than I.

I tried to hold back on the burning questions, but equally I couldn't help myself. I asked if he had really thought things could work out between the two of them, to which he replied,

"It was a possibility, but in the end not to be."

When they began seeing one another, initially it was nothing serious, a little like how it began with me, I surmised. With Alan being a man distinguished in both looks and character, he would have had plenty of opportunities to hook up with women, I'm sure. I convince myself that I really didn't need to know what he saw in Lizzy. It was sort of obvious, really. She was pretty, artistic, funny... I stopped there. No need to think about such things, not now. Alan promised me, despite still caring for Lizzy's wellbeing, that moving forward it would just be about the two of us. He used the word relationship and he said it not just because of the missing label that previously played on my insecurities, but for the both of us. It felt wonderful to move on from what was once referred to as "this thing between us." Finally.

We spoke for hours that night. Alan didn't sugar coat anything. He made me fully aware of what it would entail to be in a relationship with someone who travelled from here and there for weeks and sometimes monthly periods at a time, but he made it clear that his main residency was a split between London and New York. I nodded like an eager puppy to everything he proposed to me - the idea of being apart for periods of time, the workload he had on his shoulders... Despite all of this, we agreed that we would find a way to work our way around things and intertwine our lives.

One thing Alan passionately stressed is that I was to remain focussed and career driven. It was important to him that I "continued to flourish." I could tell he wanted me to take a relaxed approach to this relationship, to not be constantly in his pocket. He expressed this far more articulately, however. He also made a point that he wanted me to go out, to have fun, to see my friends. He was still cautious that I would make him my whole world - that everything would orbit around him. Being a sometimes naive twenty-three year old, I wanted to wrap my arms around him, spend every waking hour with him and do everything together, but I knew it wasn't possible, that in reality we'd both suffocate.