I DaRe you to ask Roy!~~ a reply to fans comments

Roy Mustang's Coat

Roy: Is there a new question for me?

Stenographer: Yeah it's from some kid named Michael J. He's wondering why you always wear your coat. It's like, not required but you do anyways.

Roy: Huh I do that? I didn't notice haha! I suppose it's because I like it. It's a nice coat.

Stenographer: That's it? That's the whole reason?

Roy: Yeah.

Stenographer: I don't believe you. :|

Roy: Um what do you want me to say?

Stenographer: There's another reason obviously. Its kind of an inconvenience to wear especially since you use fire. Are the coats fire proof?

Roy: Hahahahaaaaa no. They are not fire proof. Rather a large flaw if I'm being honest.

Stenographer: And what with the amount of fire you're around, how many coats have you gone through with your time in the military?

Roy: Oh wow I don't even think I remember. Maybe around 14? That feels right.

Stenographer: 14?! That's a lot of coats! Do you have any stories about your coats you'd be willing to tell the masses?

Roy: Oh I do have a funny one!

Stenographer: Let's hear it.

Roy: ＼(^o^)／ Ok so here goes. I was making s'mores right? And anyway I started to light the fire with my alchemy. I snapped and logs light up. It was easy.

Stenographer: Ok?

Roy: And then one of my civilian friends (which I do have, contrary to what Havoc says about me) started screaming and I got all confused! He pointed at me and poured his red Gatorade all down my coat. Turns out my coat caught fire in my flames but the Gatorade is what really did the damage haha! I might have a photo, I'm not sure.

Stenographer: Who took it?

Roy: Huges obviously.
Here I found it.

Looks like everything was fine! Until it wasn't! I still don't know what I did wrong and it bothers me to this day.

Stenographer: *wheeze* Hahaha ok that's pretty funny...

Roy: And I suppose you don't want to hear the story about what Ed did to one of my coats do you?

Stenographer: Oh my goodness I do actually

Roy: I was teasing Ed about his height one day and as always, he got really angry. It's like his thing. When he was doing his little, "who are you calling short -blah blah blah" routine, he realized that he had just said, "who are you calling so short that the army doesn't make their uniform sizes as small as an ant that could be crushed by terrible toddlers!". He got really quiet for a second. Then he looked up at me and said, "do they make uniforms in my size? Not that I want to try one on or anything ridiculous like that.... But do they?"

Stenographer: Oh no, don't tell me that you
actually—

Roy: Yes. Yes I tried to find the smallest uniform we had just out of spite. It appears that we do not have a size for ten year olds.

Stenographer: Wasn't he fifteen...?

Roy: Yeah.

Stenographer: Oh my word...

Roy: He tried on the smallest size anyway, just to see how it fit. Which it didn't. It was hilarious because he was shuffling around muttering to himself, trying to hold up the pants! The sleeves went past his wrists and I've never seen anything so funny in my life.

Stenographer: What did he do to your coat though?

Roy: It was Mae's idea. He made Ed try on my coat to see the size difference. On my life it was even funnier because the tails dragged on the floor!

Stenographer: I can see it in my mind. This couldn't have gone well.

Roy: No it didn't. ( ･ิ ͜ʖ ･ิ) He got so mad! He ripped it because he tried to charge me and tripped! Then that made him even more upset. He decided to burn it, he was yelling something about symbolism. He literally lit it on fire. That was only one of many of my coats killed by flame. His poor brother had to stomp on it repeatedly so it would quit and not burn down the place.

Stenographer: That's... That's amazing. I've run out of paper, do you think we can revisit this sometime, if you want?

Roy: Sure. I'm sure that I'll remember the rest of them later anyway. Hopefully I don't go through another one by the time you want to talk about this again.