Blinding Faith

9 Days Until the New Moon

Lord must have something very special planned for you.

My mother's words play over and over in my mind. I know I should be concerned with what that plan is, but all I can think about his how Mother's face lit up as she spoke. I don't think she has ever been so pleased with me.

Eldrick must not have told her that I was snooping around his office, she hasn't mentioned it. As far as she believes I am doing well in lessons, and hanging on to every word in prayer from my front row seat, and have fully committed to my role as Lord's most special chosen one.

She has probably spoken to me more these past few days than in the entire twenty years I've been alive. Of course all we've been talking about is my lessons and duties. Perhaps if I spend enough time talking to her about those things, eventually she will talk to me about something else. Maybe one day she'll even get to know me. I spent my entire life craving Mother's attention. Now here I have been presented with the perfect opportunity to obtain it, and I've been squandering it thinking about myself. No more. No more lamenting the inevitable loss of my sight, or dwelling on my many unanswered questions, or worrying about being matched with a boring and arrogant future High Priest. I will be a perfect Blessed One, and a perfect daughter. I will make Mother love me.

I arrive to lessons early, and take my seat, ready to learn. Today's lesson is about when Lord carved a trench in the earth and filled it with water, forming the river on the edge of our village. He did this so that our people would always have water to drink. I immediately wonder how our pre-Lord ancestors managed to survive here for so long without a water source, but force myself to push the thought aside. I try to focus on the surface of the High Priest's lessons, and not dig too deeply to see if any of it makes sense.

When the lesson is over Jeb asks me to accompany him on another walk. I agree. I have decided to stop fighting my future and that includes him.

The air bites at my skin the moment we step outside, and I pull my cloak tight around myself. I allow Jeb to lead as we head through the village. It seems as though the place has gone into hibernation lately. Everyone is so quiet and lifeless. We were always aware of the beasts, but although we saw one once a month at the sacrifice they still never felt like a real threat to us. They were exotic creatures from a far off place that only came here as Lord's prisoners. We feared them in a theoretical sense, but were never truly afraid of them. Until now. Now the danger feels real and eminent.

Jeb leads us away from the rows of houses, past the Holy House, and to the river. I settle myself onto the cold ground, pulling my skirt tightly around my ankles so that the grass doesn't scratch at the exposed skin. The river hums gently as it flows along its path, filling the silence between Jeb and I. I watch him in stolen glances as he paces the river's edge, staring across into the forest beyond. Something has changed between us recently. Mostly he is still his same overly confident self, but occasionally he speaks to me with a sort of apprehension; like when he's trying to coax Elsie into letting him pet her.

"Do you remember when we were children, and I told everyone I saw a beast across the river?"

I nod as the memory comes back to me. Often times children shouted that they had seen something move, or heard a noise. But Jeb had actually said the word. Beast, there's a beast. Children ran, screaming with an actual note of terror in their voices. Before we had known it was only a game. But Jeb had said the word so it must be real this time.

"You didn't run away," he still stood with his back to me, his eyes focusing on the trees, "You were the only one, why did you stay?"

I shrug, a bit flustered that he would even remember, "I was curious".