Blinding Faith

8 Days Until the New Moon

A thin layer of white blankets the ground. Starbursts of frost cling to the window, biting my nose as I press it against the glass. The first snow fall of the year. The morning light dances along the snow, making it appear to sparkle. A sigh escapes me as I take in the scene. I have always looked forward to this first light dusting of winter. My fingers are still carving designs into the frosted window when a thought occurs to me; this is the last year I'll get to see this. Next year I'll be blind and I won't get to see the glittering fresh snow, or the icicles that hang from the roofs, or the perfect tiny footprints Elsie leaves outside the door before deciding to turn around and come back inside. I won't be able to see anything. The thought clenches like a fist around my throat, forcing tears to sting my eyes.

I don't remember getting ready. I'm sure none of my clothes match and they probably aren't even clean. My hair hangs around my face, the wind whipping it across my eyes from time to time. I didn't have the energy to braid it. People will have to get used to seeing me like this because I won't be able to do my hair properly if I can't see my reflection.

Every time I pass a tree with perfect little puffs of snow clung to its branches, or a frolicking dog with fur lightly dusted in powder, the fist around my throat clenches tighter. It's starting to become impossible to keep the tears from spilling over. Rubbing my eyes I use my now wet fingers to scrap a bit of dried drool I find on my cheek. I really hadn't put much effort into getting ready this morning.

Jeb answers the door before I even finish knocking. My fist is still held in the air when he hauls me inside.

"You must be freezing," he says as he brushes the snow from my shoulders, "I've had the fire going in the classroom for at least an house now so you should warm up quickly".

I don't say anything as he ushers me into the back room, as if I would have suddenly forgotten where it was. Jeb is chattering on about something but none of his words register with me. My vision starts to blur as we enter the classroom and I summon all the self control I have to try to keep from crying.

I'm going to be blind.

The fist tightens again and I'm not sure I can still breath.

A pressure on my shoulder brings me back. I blink away the tears until things come back into focus, and find Jeb staring at me. He's still squeezing my shoulder, his brows are furrowed and his mouth is drawn into the slightest frown. Did he see me cry? Was I really crying? I touch my cheeks to make sure they're dry

"Sit down, both of you," Eldrick drops the book he'd been reading onto his desk. The sound pierces through the silence of the room like thunder. I flinch at the noise and Jeb immediately gives my shoulder another gentle squeeze, before letting me go and taking his seat. Sitting down into my own chair I hunch over my paper as if I'm eager to take notes. Really I just don't want to look at the High Priest because I'm scared of what transgressions he'll see on my face.

The lessons seem to drag on forever and I hardly comprehend any of it. Every now and then I catch a word and scribble something on my paper so Eldrick thinks I'm paying attention. As soon as I hear him say we're done for the day I fold my paper and throw it in my bag before anyone can see that it's filled with nonsense. Jeb stands as quickly as I do, his hand reaching out to take my bag for me.

"Don't bother taking that," Eldrick's voice is laced with annoyance, "you won't be walking her home today".

Jeb opens his mouth as if to protest before his father cuts him off.

"You cannot spend every afternoon prancing around the village with young ladies. You have chores to complete".

Jeb hands me back my bag, his shoulders sagging as if without the weight of holding my things they have no purpose.