Olivia Always

Chapter 7 - My Listicle

I don't hate my job. I don't love it but I don't hate it either. These days knowing you have a job and don't have to be part of the gig economy is a definite plus.

My boss Madeline is a bit quirky and needy. Lots and lots of positive comments are needed to grease the wheels of our boss/employee relationship. And, she has the ugliest cat you have ever seen and I've seen him many times. It's hard not to as there are pictures of him everywhere in Madeline's office. She changes these portraits often and when she does, I am always invited in to see Mr. Pickles doing something adorable.

"Look, here he is climbing up onto my laptop. He's so smart I am sure I could teach him to type."Mm hmm," I reply, keeping my thoughts to myself.

Madeline is single but has many hobbies and interests. She is deeply into the whole "cottagecore" way of life. You know romantic gardens, handicrafts, heirlooms and chintz wallpaper

The "darling dresses", (Madeline's words,) that are part of this whole aesthetic, are the mainstay of her wardrobe with their gingham, checks and florals. And to make it clear how committed she is to this way of being no trip to Montreal is ever complete without a visit to the flagship store. She returns to work her buttercup embroidered bags full of little gifts of lavender sachets. In her spare-time she does water-colour paintings of gardens. I've been gifted a few of those. They don't quite match my décor which I like to call, "Pimped-up Ikea."

Madeline's gingham dress persona conceals a clever woman with a sharp mind and sometimes biting wit. I realized early that it wouldn't be wise to underestimate her.

My job mostly entails making Madeline look good. Keeping her calendar straight, sending out office-wide memos, organizing restaurant meals and accommodation for out-of-town clients, taking minutes for painfully long meetings, and a variety of other tasks my four years of university over-qualified me for. I'm not complaining just being realistic.

But I have a dream. No, not anything as grand as Martin Luther King's dream just a personal challenge. I want to write an article for the magazine. I know the kind of thing they like and have the perfect solution - a listicle. A listicle is essentially a list about a particular topic masquerading as an article. These articles appeal to the human brain that craves spatial organization. We are always trying to make sense of the world in a clear, easy to read format. Because the information is in a numbered list format it is easy to remember the details. You can impress your friends over coffee in case the topic is something like "Ten Things to Avoid on Your Next Vacation" comes up. And there is that lovely sense of accomplishment when you read the entire article and have digested the promised list.

I have a vast array of topics I could pitch. "Ten Low-Carb Treats for Easter" (or the holiday of the moment.) How about "Twenty Texting Terms You Should Know to Impress Your Grandkids." This one very pointedly aimed at the target audience of our magazine. I have ideas for "Ten Ways to Beat the Summer Heat" and "Ten Things You May Not Know About the Internet." I have been contemplating "Ten Ways to Wear Gingham Dresses." I know it would appeal to Madeline even though it may make me look like a bit of a brown-noser. And I worry about how many other gingham-loving seniors there are out there.

There are some topics I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. Anything to do with budgeting or investing is out. I just glaze over when I see all those numbers. My idea of budgeting is seeing if my ATM card is accepted at the end of the month or do I get the Not Sufficient Funds message? Also, no food recipe or décor hack listicles. Overdone, and overexposed.

No, I want to be original and compelling. Something like, "Ten Ways to Improve Your Sex Life After Sixty." This one would appeal to both men and women. I would make it all fun and flirty. It would basically be the same sort of things I would suggest for thirty-year olds just a bit less vigorous.