HawksxReader Oneshot Requests

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Requested by @augustheadley2

Red carnation-my heart aches for you

You keeled over the the toilet bracing your stomach as tears blinded your sight. You felt unbearable pain in your torso as you tried to get the last bits out of your system. You could feel them lodging in your throat, gripping onto your esophagus as if to say, "You can't get rid of me."

Like a damn cockroach, it always comes back when you least expect it. Arising from the dead, the silence, to remind you of what you yearn for.

Love.

That's what caused this brutal pain. That's what has you face first in the toilet throwing up these stupid petals. It's what made you avoid gardens and flower boutiques all your life, well, since you noticed your feelings, that is.

You were sick of it. Absolutely dreaded when he visited because you knew what would come the second he turned away. The second you remembered was the second it would come back. It made you want to claw through your chest and get rid of it once and for all. Maybe then it wouldn't dare to come back the next time.

The cleanup wasn't easy, either, no no it was a complete pain in the ass. You couldn't tell him, and you couldn't let him see. You didn't deserve it, at least, that's what you truly believed.

A knock on your door. Damnit. He's here earlier than expected. You flushed and brushed your teeth quickly. As you flossed the damned petals out your teeth, you hear his persistent knocks. "Yeah I'll be there!" You called out.

You checked your appearance, no petals in sight. You finally let him in.

He smiled at you, that damn smile that made you forget all the fuss that happened mere seconds ago. His wings raised with excitement upon seeing you as he swung two grocery bags full of takeout and assorted snacks. "Hey, what took you so long? The foods gonna get cold," he greeted and squeezed by you.

He made himself at home by kicking off his shoes, setting up plates and cups, and turning on the TV. It was movie night after all. Every Saturday Hawks came over to watch a movie with you, whether a new one or rewatching an old movie you both loved. It was a tradition since you both were kids. You're his best friend after all. Friend.

You could feel that disgusting bubbling in your stomach, the impending doom that was your feelings coming out in the form of Spring's mascots. You held your stomach to soothe the ache beginning to form and hoped you could hold it in until he leaves.

"What movie did you pick?" You asked as you started to scoop up some takeout and toss it on your plate.

You waited for Hawks to answer as you calmly gathered your food for the movie, but Hawks was taking too long. You finally looked up to see his concerned expression. You dropped your fork as your heart raced and your mind filled with worry.

"Are you okay, what happened?" You asked him.

"That's what I was going to ask...," he trailed off as he reached over and picked off something from your jaw. You see in his hand the all-too-familiar petal from a red carnation. You cringed inwardly and cursed yourself for not cleaning up good enough. You made sure to look in the mirror three times, how did you miss it?

Shit shit shit shit. Think!

"I've been into gardening this past week, I thought I cleaned up better. Sorry," you reply nonchalantly and tried to play it off by scooping up more food.

"Do you have... it?" He asked silently, as if afraid to hear your response.

"It? What are you talking about?" You ask feigning ignorance as you passed the boxes you already got food from.