Our little arrangement💫

26: Axel💓

I had no words. There he was, standing in the doorway. I told myself that I wouldn't cry. I told myself I'd stay strong. But seeing Duncan in front of me made me think about the last time I saw him. How I left him broken on the bathroom floor. Kinda like how I ended up. He continued to stand near the doorway, looking at me with a certain sadness that I couldn't explain. I felt this ache in my chest that kept pushing on and on. I said nothing, only crossed my arms and waited. For what I wasn't sure.

Duncan walked through the doorway and closed the door behind him. So there he was, standing in the living room, his shirt all untidy and I could see how nervous he was. He placed keys on the table and I noticed that it was Ryan's car keys. After the silence dragged on and on , I decided to end the misery.

"Can I get you something to drink? Maybe water? I ask, cursing silently for asking that stupid question.

"No thanks. I'm good.

I nod and once again the silence drags on. I had no idea what he expected from me or what he wanted to say to me. I only hoped that it would be quick and painless. I knew I had screwed up big time and if Duncan wanted to yell at me I wouldn't blame him. I'm fact I'd encourage him to continue if he did. It was a terrible thought but one that had occurred often. I seated myself down on the couch and I thought he'd do the same. He remained standing and it took all my strength not to look at him.

He paced up and down the room, not making any sound except for his nervous footsteps. I didn't look at him as he did that, I instead focused on my breathing. One breath after another, that's what I told myself.

"I'm sorry.., he said, after a long silent pause. It caught me of guard.

"You're sorry? I ask, knowing that it wasn't the time or place for a rhetorical question but still feeling the need to ask one.

"Y-yes.. he says his voice suddenly sounding like he wanted to cry. In a way that's how I felt.

"Duncan-.. I started but stopped when he motioned for me to stop. I closed my mouth and waited for him to continue.

"I should've been there.. to protect you from Jake. I promised I would.. and I failed you.. I've failed worse than I've ever failed at anything before.. I'm really really sorry.. I didn't .. I never.. , he tries to speak but his tears take over , falling gracefully from his eyes to his shirt.

I get up from my position on the couch and walk towards him. He doesn't look at me, I understand the reason and so I don't get mad at him. He just wipes his eyes with one of his shirt sleeves and it makes my heart break so much. Ryan was right. Enough was enough. If we didn't do something now, nothing would fix our broken relationship. Even if I was the one who'd fix things

"Baby.. I start to say and he looks up at me, surprised but also a little relieved. I could tell he was waiting for me to speak and so I continued.

"You did nothing wrong.. it was me.. I overreacted and totally lost my shit... I was just so mad.. at Jake .. at our fucked up school.. I guess I don't know what I was thinking.. I'm the one who should be sorry.. I left you there.. I'm a pretty sucky boyfriend..

He walks closer to me and takes my face in his hands. It's like old times, whenever he'd make me feel little, in a good way. He places his forehead against mine and I look at him. I had no idea what to do except look at him. Our faces are close enough that I can feel his warm breath on my face. The memories are flashing before me and I want nothing more than to feel his lips against mine. To feel like I belonged to something again. Or more specific .. someone. He just smiles and it makes me give a small smile too.

"Our school is pretty fucked up, he finally says, and it causes me to let out a nervous laugh.

After a while he laughs too and soon we're full on hysterically laughing. It feels strange to smile after weeks feeling broken and lost. It's nice to see him smile. To see him look at me like he did before. After our laughter there is silence once again but it's different this time. Duncan stares at the floor and I could tell his mind was occupied on something. On what I had no clue. The only choice I had was to ask him about it. He doesn't snap out of his daydreams until I touch him on the arm.