Nothing Really Matters // Snowbaz

2

SIMON

The thing is I've already got my first appointment booked for this afternoon. I know Baz has to go to Uni so I can have the flat all to myself and feel free to talk about everything I want to. Not that I can't do it when he's around, he'd give me all the privacy I can ask for. And I know for a fact he wouldn't mention the session at all unless I wanted to talk about it, and only then he'd listen and support me in whatever way I needed.

I know it's silly, but if I'm alone I feel freer. I don't need to think twice before talking —I don't have to think at all— nobody is going to judge me. And I know Baz wouldn't judge me, we've been through a lot. It's hard to explain, that's why I hadn't mentioned anything to him earlier. But now that I've said it out loud it's real, it's happening and I actually feel good about it.

"It feels right to do it now" I say and I don't know why my voice sounds so small.

"Then it is" Baz whispers as if he doesn't want to speak louder than me.

I nod. I feel I'm welling up. I swallow. "I said I wanted to try so I'm trying"

Baz's eyes light up. It's an spectacle. The grey is almost liquid silver. I can tell he's holding back the tears. I stroke his cheeks as gentle as I possibly can.

"I'm so proud of you"

I'm hugging him before I can say anything else. I feel naked but I know I'm safe. With him, in his arms. I know there is a long way to go but tis morning I feel optimistic.

* * *

The session went well. At least I think so. I did feel a bit guilty for quitting therapy but my psychologist made me feel so welcome, it was almost as if I'd never left. I see a path to follow now. Step by step. Day by day. Moment by moment. But a path nonetheless.

I grab the Excalibur from my side of the bed and examine it carefully. It's beautiful. It has what it looks like roses engraved on the blade and an intricate pattern around the golden pommel. It's been in the Salisbury family —in my family. Circe— for centuries and yet somehow, now it's in my hand. I wield it and exercise for a bit before Baz gets home. We are ordering Thai and watching a movie or something.

As I lay the sword back down I wonder what other treasures my family'd have. What other secrets. Then I remember. I inhale sharply and sit on the bed.

I should talk with Dr. Wellbelove.

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Thank you so much for reading. It means the world to me. I know the chapters are quite short but I'll try to update as often as possible. This story is burning in my fingertips and I need to share it as I go.

Any comments are more than welcome! 💖