Free me I beg you| vent

NO

NO
I DONT WANT TO BE TOMORROW
I HATE THIS
I DINT WANT TO WAKE UP AND HAVE THAT TIRING FEELING IN MY LEGS
I WILL NOT LAST 2 MONTHS
WHY CAN'T YALL SEE IT? ARE YOU THAT FUCKING BLIND
I won't be able to wear long sleeves
I can't cut
I can't evacuate the pain
I can't relive myself
What do I do?
I can't be thursday
I' ol be judged, I'll be mocked
I don't want to face reality
...
I wish I could drown my feelings in video games and...
Food...
I'm hungry...
At least food doesnt judge me, it doesn't leave me alone when I'm down
Food is my best friend, it stayed when Claudia fucking left me
It stayed when my parents dismissed my suicide attempt
It stayed when I cried myself to sleep.
It stayed.
And it cared.
Why should I give it up?
Even if it kills me in the end, at least I would be happy!