Always Been You - An EsZan AU / Aşk Mantık Intikam

Chapter 8 (M)

He flopped onto his back with a sigh. "That's not what you said yesterday," he said, his voice devoid of emotion.

"I...I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I wasn't thinking straight."

He closed his eyes lest she see the heartache in them, and tried to gather his thoughts.

She watched as his jaw clenched and ticked, and felt an overwhelming urge to comfort him. It's not you, its me - she wanted to say, but cringed internally at the extreme cliche.

"I don't think I can give you want you want," she offered instead, her voice soft and apologetic.

"You don't know what I want," he countered, his eyes still closed.

"Ozan...". Her voice held a hint of a plea, and it made him opened his eyes and look at her.

"I'm not cut out for all of this - love, relationships, happily ever after. You already know that about me," she said defensively.

"How can you know, unless you try? I'm not asking for promises or looking for guarantees." His eyes scanned her face, taking in the uncertainly he saw there.

"All I'm saying is let's give this..." he covered her hand with his, "...whatever this is, let's give and chance and see where it goes. If it doesn't work, at least we won't regret not trying. And if it does...," he searched her face, his eyes soft, the mask dropping for a beat.

He left the sentence unfinished.

Esra fought the little demons in her head. Every ounce of self preservation told her that she would lose control and live to regret it. Her forehead furrowed in distress and she fidgeted with her necklace with her free hand as her fears played out in her head.

He took her silence for what it meant and released her hand slowly. "Tamam," he said, his voice neutral again, "I'm going to have a shower and then go into work."

She watched as he disappeared into the bathroom - her mind numb, incapable of reason or coherent thought.

He closed the door with a little more force than usual and it snapped her out of her paralyzed state. She was hit with a wave of instant regret. He was not asking her for anything except the chance to explore their feelings. It was the most she could ever ask of anyone.

She couldn't deny the tug of her own heart, that lingering warmth where his hand had just been, the heat in her cheeks at the thought of last night. Could she risk putting herself on the line? Was she prepared for the consequences? She waited for her brain to scream out a resounding no, but there was nothing - except the heavy, panicked beating of her heart, suddenly afraid that it was too late.

She bolted out of the bed, wrapped the sheet around her naked body, and ran the few steps to the bathroom, opening the door and letting herself in before she had time to think.

"Ozan!"

"Esra?" he said from behind the steamed-over glass of the shower.

"Ok!" she replied.

He wiped at the glass with his hand, clearing it so he could get a better look at her, "Ok??" he asked baffled, not even daring to hope.

"I mean...yes. Yes I want to try," she said grinning, as she moved closer to the shower door.

She caught the hint of a smile on his face before the glass started steaming up again.

He opened the door and grabbed her hand, "get in here."

"Ozaaaan!" she squealed, not resisting in the least, and dropping the sheet on the floor on the way in.

Her giggle at the first spray of hot water on her body died on her lips as he pulled her flush against his naked form. She wrapped her arms around his waist, stepped onto his feet for an extra inch of height, and lifted her lips to him. He took his time to touch his lips to hers, choosing instead to pepper her face with tiny little noisy kisses, until she clucked impatiently.