To Seek Freedom Or to Seek Home

Chapter 5 - Confessions and Apologies

The rest of us were allowed to leave since we hardly ever were around Eren and they kinda immediately noted that off as Armin and Mikasa being the second priority below Eren himself.

As soon as we were set off and far enough away from anyone, Reiner was quick to grab my arm and pull me aside while telling the others (excluding Bertholdt but including Annie) to continue on without us.

As soon as it was just the three of us, Reiner was surprisingly hostile. He shoved me against an alley wall so hard my head hitting it was audible to all three of us.

I had a deep scowl on my face and turned to avoid his hard glare.

"What the hell-"

I cut Reiner off. "If you're going to kill me just get it over with and don't talk like some monologuing hero. You've already replaced me with Leonhart so just finish the damn job." My voice was low and dangerous, and I turned my head back and my burning gaze met his. I watched as Reiner's glare turned to confused shock.

"Replaced? What?" Bertholdt was the one to speak, Reiner too caught off guard and still angry.

"Don't act like you three haven't been growing practically attached at the hip waking to curfew. I'd understand if it was just today because you all were in the same squadrant but since practically the beginning of second year you three have been nearly inseparable. Am I just going to become the fill-in again once she skips off to the MP? Was I ever actually close to you guys, or did you just keep me around because of the secret?" With every damn word, my heart beat so hard in my chest that it hurt. It hurt so bad in so many ways.

In none of my lives have I ever felt like this, Saiki would probably call me stupid for letting this happen. He was the first and only person who ever knew about my universe-hopping thing and he told me to just not get too emotional because who knew when I was going to die and who knew if I'd be able to get over someone I'd love.

Saiki would definitely call me stupid..

The tears wouldn't stop falling down my face, and my anger broke to reveal so much pain. I couldn't be hostile towards them any more. I leaned back against the wall and slid down, covering my face as they watched in shock as I finally broke down.

"Damnit I promised him I wouldn't be an idiot." I choked out my words as I spoke to myself, crying harder as I scolded myself and broke down even more. "Why do I have to fucking love you both"

I didn't care that I was confessing in probably the worst way possible. It hurt and I wanted to get rid of it.

I didn't see the look Reiner and Bertholdt shared, and all I heard was a heavy sigh from one of them and then I felt myself being picked up like a child.

"C'mon. You've been through a lot but we should get to the others. Try to get some rest." Reiner, who'd been the one to pick me up and hold me chest to chest, held me in a way that told me everything would be okay.

"We'll talk about the feelings later, promise" Bertholdt gave me a small smile and I nodded before hiding my face in Reiner's shoulder.

Now that Reiner mentioned rest, I became aware of how little energy I actually had. I'd been running on pure adrenaline and I was beyond exhausted. It took no time at all for me to fall asleep in Reiner's arms.

- - 3rd Pov - -

Reiner carried Shigaku to where the other surviving cadets were, leaning against a pillar beside the table that Jean and Annie were at. Bertholdt took a seat across from Jean.

Reiner held Shigaku tight, wishing so badly that everything could just be different. It'd be so much easier for all of them if titans and everything didn't exist. Bertholdt was having the same thoughts. But neither of them needed to take a second glance at if they loved Shigaku or not because the knew they both did, and they knew each other loved Shigaku too.

That's one of the reasons why they were so quick to start hanging out with Annie more and distance Shigaku. They didn't care he knew their secret, they were scared for his safety. Neither of them wanted Shigaku to end up in danger because of them.

Annie was quick to figure that out when they began pushing Shigaku away instead of making the four of them a group.

The sudden sound of cannon fire silenced everyone as all graduated cadets and garrison looked in the direction in panic and shock. It was obvious no one knew what happened so there was no point in asking.

Shigaku's head lifted and he looked sleepily in the direction before back towards Reiner to whisper into his ear.

"'M sure you could figure it out, but Eren's a titan 'n he doesn't know how to use it well.." Shigaku whispered to Reiner before nuzzling into the blonde's neck and falling back asleep.

He didn't have any secret knowledge really, he was just observant.

Reiner, deciding to play victim while holding their secret holder, moved to the center of the street with Jean.

"Did it bust down the water gate?" Someone shouted and panic arose quick.

Reiner quickly awoke Shigaku and launched off with his ODM gear. Shigaku, albeit still tired, was put into a small fit of fight or flight and followed quick.

All he knew was they were moving, he was still important to them whether Annie was there or not, and he needed to move with them.

Shigaku stumbled when he landed on the roof, Bertholdt steadying him and holding him close.

He was a bit shocked at what he saw though. Rather than the form they'd seen before, Eren's titan was hardly even half formed and was steaming up a storm.

- - 1st Pov - -

We watched as the smoke and steam cleared slowly, and I leaned sleepily against Bertholdt. Glancing up, I hummed.

"Cannon is reloaded and aimed" I mumble, looking back down as the sound of metal rang through the air and Armin emerged from the smoke with his hands up and all guns pointed at him.

We could do nothing, watching the garrison man in charge and Armin shout back and forth.

I smiled at Armin's words but was irked by the garrison's leader's emotion-driven commands.

"God are all garrison higher ups drunk or hysterical?" I grumble, earning a small amused huff from Bertholdt "I'm half serious, I've met one garrison soldier who was sane" I chuckle. Since everything seemed to be over, we returned to the other cadets.

"Hey Jean?" I suddenly called out as we got back. When he turned to me, I sighed and bowed my head. "I'm sorry. I was a total jerk multiple times out there, there's no excuse." I apologized, and for a moment I wasn't sure he was going to accept.

What I didn't notice, with my head down and all, was that his cheeks were lit up with blush. "Uh- yeah- it's alright-" he choked out. "You were stressed. Speaking of, how are you?" He changed the topic.

As if on cue, I once again became aware of myself and it seemed he, Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie had as well. I rose my head and stood straight, giving him a tired and small, but genuine, smile.

"To be truthful, I'm hardly able to stay conscious." I huffed out in hollow amusement. Exhausted didn't cover how much I just wanted to lay down and sleep.

"You told Mikasa to stop wasting her literal gas but you were using up your energy more than anyone else." Connie joked, and I let out a breathy chuckle, nodding.

We were suddenly called to get back into formation and I sweat dropped. "Are we seriously going back right now?" I whined, before reluctantly getting into formation with everyone else.

I watched quietly as Daz began shrieking in panic, only to be yelled at by a garrison soldier. I couldn't say much since I'd treated Jean the same way before, but it did irk me and I was getting seriously annoyed by the garrison soldiers all around us. I was considering pulling a commander-esque move and yelling at them all to pull themselves together (in a nicer way than I had with Jean of course, I wouldn't make that mistake again.)

Commander Pixis' 'Attention' rang through the air and silenced everyone as those who moved got back into formation.

Commander Pixis was quick to announce to everyone about Eren's titan form, and I sweatdropped about how he didn't even seem to hesitate.