EMOTIONS

(6)ALONE

I am feeling all the emotions I do not want to feel. I feel sad and mad at myself for not being able to let go of the people who do not even care about my existence.

I am the only one who cares, I am the only one who makes an effort to maintain this friendship. Is it wrong for me to think negatively? Is it wrong for me to feel hurt? They will say I am sensitive. All the hurtful words they tend to take as a joke although it is not.

They are selfish and mean. How could they not value someone kind and caring? Some people are insensitive and they cannot affirm it themselves. Since they try to ignore the fact that they are doing something wrong by justifying that it is the opposite.

Toxic people will deny and even frame you as the one who is guilty because that is how cruel humans can be. They can afflict pain just to get the benefits for themselves.

I know that I am blessed with many things. However, why do I keep feeling sad about those people I consider friends. It might be only one-sided. Since true friends do not make you feel hurt most of the time. They will say something such as it is not a big deal. So why are you overreacting? Is it wrong for me to feel pain because of the words you said?

Feeling hurt and lonely is not something small. It should not be taken lightly. The words you omit can forever damage someone. You cannot understand because you never experienced it yourself. Try putting your shoes on someone's shoes. How would you feel being ignored? Being left out of the group? Being degraded by someone? Being treated like nothing?

You have two sides. The one who makes others happy but you can not even make yourself delighted. Ironic, isn't it? We try so hard to make others feel nice while we struggle to even apply these words to ourselves. Being alone is not that bad, sometimes it gives you the peace of mind you want.

However, there are still times when you feel down and pessimistic. It's normal but dwelling too much is not something good. It will take some time but we will heal. We can cut off all the sources of our negativity slowly and meditate. The people you value are something difficult for you to let go of. Nevertheless, if they keep on being mean and hurtful, it is a sign to distance yourself from them.