𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐄| Rue Bennett

viii. 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐫

"Do you think things you are starting to feel better?" Dr.Sanchez asked Lydia as she sat in her office, for the third time this week. "You said you started to go back to school?"

"Not better." Lydia leaned on her knees, that were close to her chest. "But, a little lighter."

"Have you been taking your medication?" she asked her as Lydia nodded. "Do you think that's what's helping you? Maybe our sessions, should we schedule more?"

"No." Lydia swallowed. "I met someone."

"Oh?" Sanchez gave a tiny grin. "You did?"

"She's been a big help in healing." Lydia admitted, one of her hands twisted the ends of her hair. "I don't know, I feel kinda safe with her."

"Why do you think that is?" the older woman asked her as Lydia shrugged. "You don't know?"

"She just listens to me." Lydia swallowed, her head started to hurt. "I don't know."

"Have you been writing in the journal I gave you?" Sanchez asked, getting a guilty look. "I really think it'll help you."

"I tried." Lydia promised her. "Just...no words come to me."

"I can understand that." she nodded at her. "How are your nightmares?"

"Same as usual, but I started to go back to sleep after I wake up." she shrugged. "I've gotten caught up with school, though."

"That's good, Lydia." she smiled at her as Lydia flushed slightly. "What about eating?"

"Better." she agreed. "Three meals a day, two snakes."

"So, physically, you're feeling okay." Sanchez nodded as Lydia stared at her. "But, mentally, you'd say you've gotten worse?"

"I don't know." Lydia repeated herself. "Not worse but not...better."

"You said earlier things felt lighter." the woman held her pen with a nod. "What did you mean by that?"

"I think i'm just getting use to feelings this way, and that's comforting." she admitted as Sanchez hummed. "Is that bad?"

"It's a process, moving past a traumatic experience." Sanchez nodded her head. "When would you say things start to feel the worst?"

"The jokes." Lydia admitted as she stared over at her. "Like, being online. I saw this video of people mocking school shooting, and making it out to be a punchline in their jokes. I know that everyone says other people aren't responsible for your triggers, but I just don't understand why something like that should be involved in a joke."

"What would you say to those people?" Sanchez asked her curious.

Lydia shrugged. "Just that...it's really hard to live with."

"Would you say you don't want to live?" Sanchez asked her, staring into her eyes.

Lydia wanted to say yes.

"N-no." she shook her head, forcing a smile through her watery eyes. "Of course not."

Lydia gave a weary look when she got to her dads, the door open but no cars in the driveway. "Dad?"

Rue ran down the stairs, her arms filled with jewelry. She froze at the sight of Rue. Lydia blinked. "What are you doing, Rue?"

"I'm sorry." Rue shook her head. "You don't understand."

Lydia shut the door with a weary look. "Are you in trouble?"

"It hurts so bad." Rue admitted as she held her side. "I have to get to Fez."

"Did someone hurt you?" Lydia asked worried as she tried to approach her, but Rue backed away. "Why do you have all mine and my step mom's jewelry?"

"Your dads watches too." Rue inhaled deeply as she shut her eyes. "I didn't want to do it, but I have to."

Lydia was hurt, because she felt used. "You need money?"

Rue nodded her head, Lydia looked down. "Put that down. You'll have to pawn it, I have cash."

Rue dropped the jewelry on the table as Lydia walked to the safe at the hallway, typing in the passcode. Her lip trembled slightly with her back to Rue, pulling it open. "What do you need money for?"

"Don't worry about it." Rue said as she inhaled deeply, seemingly like she was having a hard time breathing. "Lydia, we really gotta hurry."

She pulled from stacks of cash out. "Is this enough?"

Rue took it with a deep exhaled. "You're such a good person. I really like you."

Lydia stared at her in hurt. "You're leaving? You're not gonna explain anything to me?"

"I can't." Rue limped toward the door. "Trust me."

"Rue." Lydia whimpered as she walked out of the front door, leaving it wide open. "Rue!"

"I'll explain soon." Rue promised her, trying to wave over her shoulder, but failing miserably.

Small tears fell from Lydias eyes as she walked forward, watching Rue limp off into the cotton candy like sunset, not knowing what that was about. Despite it all, even if Rue really did like her and was her friend, she was still used and robbed by the only friend she had. That hurt her, shutting the door and knowing she needed to get out of there as quickly as she could.

•

kylie speaks

something that i have learned,
from someone who has seen
addiction in many people, is
that they often take money from
people close to them. it does not
mean they do not love you, but
it simple shows how intense
and addicting drugs truly are.
i think euphoria did a good job
portraying that this episode and
it genuinely pissed me off with
all the fandom being bored this
episode and complaining because we didn't see a boring
ass fight with maddy and cassie.
almost every teen show has that
exact storyline, let a show for
once show the reality of drug use and not in a "i'm so quirky and use drugs for the bad girl aesthetic" like skins does.