Strings

Chapter 34

Avery

All the things Hayden opened up to me about has been ringing in my ears non-stop and I find myself not being able to think of anything else.

Endless google searches later and I am still in disbelief that Hayden and his family had to go through something like this. I can't even imagine what that must've been like.

To witness it happening, to have actually been there and to not being able to do anything about it, however did the Knights ever rise above the grief and loss I shall never know but it only adds credibility to their resilience and strength.

And it makes me think more fondly of Hayden, sweet sweet Hayden, I know he had never cared much for Olivia, even before all the mess she spilled ensued, and still to open up about something, as big as this, just for my sake, it-
It meant more than I could ever articulate.

And the reality of this tragedy kept me up all night, and it was like being drenched with a bucket of ice water upon the realization that no matter what Olivia had done to me, no matter how mad, angry or disappointed I was with her, I did not ever want to imagine a life where I'd grow up without my older sister who throughout elementary and high school had continued to protect me, shield me and was there for me before getting lost in the messy lanes of her own mind.

Deciding that instant, I sit at my desk, and begin writing a letter. I'll drop it by Olivia's mental care facility later today and I don't really know what this would achieve, hell, I don't even know what I wanted this to achieve but if this can bring either of us one step closer to closure that we so desperately seek, so be it.

Pouring my heart into it, I fold it up and just stare vacantly into nothingness for a good few minutes before I gather myself together.

The story of Nora Knight, Hayden's late sister was the ringing bells in my life that reminded me, that taking the back-seat in your own life never works. It's up to me to go after the life I want for myself. To work hard for it, to strive for it, to sacrifice and bleed and get myself together for it. It's the least I owe myself.
I am going to take charge of my own life because quite frankly it's no one else's responsibility to nurture my life for me. It's mine and mine alone.

I take a deep shaky breath as I fold the letter up and fight the urge to dash to Olivia's mental health facility immediately; there is something else I needed to do before.

Walking hesitantly towards Hayden's office, I attempt to collect myself together before I knock at his door. I raise my hand to do so, but the automatic doors open before I make any actual contact and come face-to-face with Hayden looking my way from his desk, locking me with his gaze even with the distance between us; while I am visibly taken aback with the intensity of his gaze as my hand awkwardly hovers in the air.

Lowering it down, I clear my throat in an attempt to speak;

"I just-"

"Yes?"

We look at each other half-surprised; half-amused as we both speak at the exact same time.

"Actually I was thinking-"

"I was meaning to talk to-"

We snap our eyes at each other, both amused and amazed in equal parts, and a moment later, we both burst off laughing.

"Just come in, Avery" Hayden finally speaks in between fits of laughter and I find myself walking towards him. He looks at me pensively, letting me know I can begin speaking first, an opportunity, I realize, that I am not all that grateful for as my anxiety shoots and I feel more on edge now than I did previously.