By Sin We Fall

Chapter Fourteen

Playlist: Graceless, The National 

Agnes, Glass Animals

It was getting absurd how much I was getting away with. Also, slightly insulting on both ends, first the fact that people didn't expect I was capable of doing something outside of the lines and second, insulting that I hadn't done this sooner seeing how easy it was. Before I never had any desire to see the world, content with my bubble. But now I was ruined, the bubble had popped and it was more beautiful than I thought outside. Memorized by how much larger than life the world was now that I could see the full scale of it. The comfort of my old life could never keep me content anymore. When did I lose my curiosity of what lies out there? One thing I knew for sure, I could never be happy again in my bubble knowing what I knew now.

I was running towards the corner, walking seemed indignant when I had so much to be excited for. I spotted Amo at the same corner as always, this time on his bike. I smiled still not believing he was real, one day he would vanish from me but today was not that day. I stopped right in front of him, collecting myself for a second. "Would you run away with me, if it came to that?" "Wherever you want to go, princess." His sterling eyes lit up with the playful invitation, with the possibilities and the absurdity of this. This was starting to feel like Neverland, where time stopped and no consequences existed. Stepping into a new world that had no connection to my life. "Take me to your favorite place in the whole city. A secret place worthy of this havoc we so openly invest in."

The city somehow looked even more beautiful on a bike. The lights were more intense, the buildings more immense that the sheer force of their presence was humbling. I'd never been this exposed, this intimate with the world than right now. Life had become exponentially more dangerous and that somehow made every moment more beautiful. I loved the energy of this city, the inspiration to reach higher, to not settle for your dreams but to reach for the ones even you thought were crazy. There was a buzz to keep going. I was surrounded by monuments that were once thought of as impossible. How much higher could I go? We were weaving through city streets and it looked as if the heavens would start pouring at any second. Pedestrians recklessly hurried across the street in anticipation to get home. Traffic was dense and honking was ample for no apparent reason in this standstill. I looked around Amo to see the red light in the distance. It didn't look as if we would make this one. Amo put down his visor on his helmet and started the bike again. Where he was going I had no idea. He slyly navigated the bike through the middle of the cars in waiting, cutting off a dozen cars to get to the front of the light. Was this even legal? Not realizing one of the dozen cars was a police car, we quickly turned our heads to the distinctive sharp sound of the sirens shrieking two short warning sounds. "Shit," Amo muttered, not seeming concerned about it but annoyed. I looked forward seeing the light had finally turned green. "Drive!" I screamed, hitting his shoulder. I couldn't see his face covered by his helmet but I could tell he was smiling as he revved the engine and accelerated to speeds unbeknownst to me. I squealed with approval and excitement. What were we doing?! I grabbed onto him tighter as gravity pulled me back. I squeezed my eyes shut as we sped up. Faster, faster. Finally as the speed evened out I opened my eyes, searching behind us but the bright blue and red lights were lost in the distance. "You did it!" I screamed when we were off the main road. "Do people really believe this act of yours, of being so innocent?" "You'd be surprised, but there's always a few that see through it."

New York was dirty, wet and dingy. Las Vegas was that too but as Las Vegas tried to hide these things with fluorescent lights and flashing distractions, New York owned it. There was no escaping the fact that it was hard here, the concrete, the homelessness, the stench of trash strewn about, but somehow there was a raw beauty to it that shone through it all. Hope mangled in the disarray of destruction. I couldn't help the growing tenderness I felt toward these streets. I never paid attention when Amo was driving, too busy observing the quickly passing sights. My surroundings took me out of my head. Amo swerved off from the street and headed down a one way lane I hadn't even noticed nor would I classify it as a road. He dodged the cement blocks that warned to not enter. The path forward was dark, I looked behind me at the retreating lights. Off the road we arrived at a dirt field, still in hearing distance of the roaring sounds of traffic. I really shouldn't be surprised that he brought me to a dirt field again. I needed to adjust my expectations. He took his helmet off and then helped me with mine, throwing it to the side when he got it off. "Come," he started walking out into the night, heading in the direction of the cars. I followed him as we started walking down a hill, the traffic getting louder. We came to a cement wall on one side of me and two steps forward a drop off. I carefully looked over the edge to see a vertical drop down into the river far below. Well I guess this could very well be the end of me and I didn't have anybody to blame for the stupidity in my death except myself. Amo, thankfully, did not seem in his murderous mood today because he was busy slipping inside the steel bars of the cement foundation that held the bridge up. He slowly disappeared into the darkness. "Amo?" "It's not far down, I'll catch you if you slip," I looked up, feeling moisture accumulate in the air. This isn't real, there's nothing to lose. I turned around and carefully found my footing, descending into darkness, into the unknown. Once the outside light was gone I could make out the interior of this place. The loud traffic was muffled down here, a cold draft of wetness coming from somewhere. Amo turned and kept walking at a leisurely pace but fast enough that I feared losing him down here. Ducking under low standing beams and climbing over debris, Amo really out did himself this time. Lights would shine through once in a while then disappear behind a structure. In the light, old construction equipment came into view, littering the area with bottles of sodas and crushed beer cans. Amo looked behind him when I was taking too long looking at everything. The harsh light reflected off half his face, reminding me of the first night I met him. I understood now why he was so appealing to my curiosity, it wasn't the obscurity that attracted me to him rather the invitation to be someone else for a change. "I'm coming," I said hollowly. "I never doubt that, I just worry you'll lose your way here." What was that supposed to mean? He turned around and continued until he finally stopped ahead of me and I crouched under the last beam. I walked curiously up to him, the way he was staring out into the distance left him with a serene look on his face. A strange look for him considering his usual tension. I understood what provoked that look when I stood next to him, the view that greeted me left me lost for words. Looking out over the river the whole city was on display for us, like it was lit up just for us, just for tonight, just for this magical moment. The river was illuminated with a thousand reflections from the city. When I could take my eyes away from the horizon I looked down below my feet, following the long drop into the water, my stomach clenched. Nothing stood between me and stepping straight off the descent. I looked up instead, deciding to focus on the beauty because nothing came close to this view of the city from up here. Clear and unobstructed. Beautiful and dangerous, kind of like Amo. Attracting, luring yet intimidating and inclusive to those who looked in from the outside. Not realizing Amo had left in my gawking state, his figure scared me as he came out of the shadows...with a golf club? I frowned at the many scenarios I found myself in where he could easily off me. He motioned for me to move, I looked down realizing I was standing on a square of fake green turf. I stepped to the side and he brought out a small white ball and put it in the middle of the square, confidently getting into position then swinging back to shoot the small ball straight out into the night. Reflecting for a millisecond against the backdrop of lights then plopping into the vast river. "You play golf?" was all I could say. "Don't sound so mortified by it, it's a beautiful sport, it teaches you valuable lessons," he was looking down at the club, testing its weight. "Like how to be a country club snob?" I mused. "Among other things." He hit three more shots, whistling when the last one went further than the others. "Can I try? -No wait, where do the golf balls go?" He smiled, seeming arrogant in his reply, "they're biodegradable, do I get points for that?" I tried not to smile at that but my face became flustered. After a few rounds of concentrating, hitting one or two good shots, I was going downhill fast. He made it look annoyingly effortless. Frustration was building up in my chest when I couldn't even hit the ball now. Each empty swing left me feeling embarrassed and annoyed. "You need to know when to stop, recognize when you're wasting more energy than you're getting in return." Amo came up from behind me, wrapping his arms around me so that he could grasp the club. I stilled in confusion. Panic rose in my chest. His already infiltrating presence was now caging me in. Overwhelming me but luring me in. Too much but all the while not enough. My breathing became shallow but I tried to hide that fact. His voice was now so close that it became all I could focus on. "Golf teaches you that you can't go far with sheer force. You need to have the right stance, the right timing, concentrate on your objective, be smart, tactful rather than recklessly aggressive. Then when everything is lined up perfectly, it's quiet and you're in control...go in for the kill." His voice lost all melodious at the end and turned into a sharp sneer. I didn't have time to react as the club in my hand was being guided through the air, gracefully and effectively picking up the ball so that it went soaring through the night sky. I stepped out of his grasp after a moment, my mind was a bewildered mess. I frowned, he smiled at me seemingly understanding his effect on me. He went back into the dark and came back with some drinks. Amo sat down on one of the white chairs that looked like it had done its time in the Hudson river. "What? Do you have a whole apartment down here?" I tried to joke. "Just the essentials, I won't lie though, at one point I had seriously thought about moving in, sometimes this place felt like the closest thing to home, when I wanted to get away from it all.'' For being such a pretentious person in everything he wore and the places he dinned, he still sought out the worst parts of this city. Feeling the most at home when he was surrounded by the worst. I saw what he meant with this place though, it felt like a safe sanctuary in a loud, busy city.