By Sin We Fall

Chapter Nineteen

Walking out of the lobby, the streets were already cast in darkness from the quickly oncoming clouds. Thunder was rolling somewhere in the distance, a threat for something more. There was still so much going on despite being late in the evening and the worsening weather. I loved these moments, the moments of the in between. Of standing outside in a busy city with drizzling rain, the city lights blurry in puddles, people running under umbrellas. To stand still in the wave of chaos. Simone's hand pushed me toward the dark car. The thud of the door closing removed me from the city's sounds. I sat back and leaned my forehead against the window, watching the city blur by. All the while I felt a stillness within. We were dropped off at the helipad by the docks, the large thunderhead moving slowly yet effectively towards the bright lights of the city. Yet the city stood tall in its presence, like nothing could threaten the bright lights. We were off to the airport and then we would board a private jet that would take me back home, to Las Vegas. I should be overcome with gratitude for the time I was allowed in New York but it only left me with a deep longing for more. It left me restless with how much more I had to do, before I would no longer see its lights.

Landing at one o'clock, I went straight to bed. Sleeping in my own bed was appreciative but it was an unnerving comfort that I didn't want to get used to. Like the plushness would overcome my inability to move. Someone opened my door, I opened my eyes to see Nevio walk in. I could recognize him just from his shadow, from the sounds his feet made. He pummelled down next to me on the fluffy comforter I had just sorted out. "Hey, you're back. Thank god, things were getting boring around here." "I did something bad Nevio,'' I confessed quietly, comforted by the dark. "Finally, I've been waiting for you to do something these past eighteen years." Like falling in love with the enemy? "I don't know if I can undo it, hide it, it's a stain and I can't get it out and the more I try the more it just spreads until I'm drowning in it." I hid my head under the comforters. The guilt was somehow so much stronger in Las Vegas. "You've gotten way too poetically dramatic since you've been gone. Please don't tell me you want to study social philosophy at NYU." Nevio laughed at his own musings. I didn't tell him that my favorite cafe in New York was swarming with that bunch. "It's simple. Own it, stop trying to appease everyone and own your mistake. Stains only make you grow." "It's, it's-" "Complicated? Nothing is complicated, you're just making it complicated in your head." That was another reason I loved Nevio, when my thoughts overwhelmed me, he brought me back to the truth. "What if the thing I love takes me away from you?" I was getting too emotional. "Everything is negotiable, I'll always be there to work through it with you. Because god knows you're bad at negotiating." I smiled, Nevio always brought me out of my little cloud of despair. We never kept secrets from each other, but New York Greta didn't feel a part of me when I was with my family. Those secrets felt personal to her, secrets for her to keep. It wasn't my place to share them.

 I squinted my eyes open as the sunlight streamed in from my long windows that I had forgot to close the curtains on. I rolled out of bed to get ready in the bathroom then opened my balcony door to welcome in the dry heat of Las Vegas. Breathing in deeply, I cleared out the dampness in my lungs from the constant rain showers in New York. The sun was already intense, what time was it? I must have slept in. Nevio was still in the bed with me when I fell asleep but now I could hear his voice coming from the downstairs patio accompanied by screams and the splashing of the pool. My morning haze quickly burned off to be replaced with excitement at the familiar sounds. I ran back inside to put on one of my many bikinis and ran downstairs, my bare feet pit-pattering against the hard floors. I didn't even check if the bikini matched, too excited to get outside. The heat greeted me as I walked outside, I loved the familiar feeling, craved the bone deep warmth that enveloped me. It was like nothing had changed, the summer tradition of Saturday pool gatherings was in full swing. Everybody was laughing loudly, the catering of fresh fruit and muffins sat in the shade under a canopy. Everybody was here, Aurora, Carlotta, Adamo, Savio, Leona, even one of Nevio's friends, Valenzo, who was also friends with Alessio and Massimo. Nevio had told me that his two long time friends could finally come over to the house now. I guess I was the one standing in the way of that. How could I ever miss this? This was my family, a tradition I could never leave, I couldn't even imagine that. Dad saw me first, he was analyzing my face as I was standing in the threshold of the house. I quickly relaxed my facial features in fear that he could now read my thoughts. I smiled at him then ran up to Roman to hug him from behind, then hugged all the parents as they welcomed me back. "Greta! Get in here!" Nevio called from the pool and I promptly ran to the edge of the pool to cannonball in. Things hadn't changed, I was still me.