Alessandro 16+ / Book 1

Chapter 36: Unbroken

My head shakes frantically in response to Alessandro's suggestion, while gazes down at me, witnessing my pain, my shattered state, and my overwhelming fear.

He can see how the path he wants me to take will damage me, how it terrifies me. I'm just not ready to let go, and I don't know if I ever will be.

To let go, I would have to face my true self, confront the presence of my loved ones within me, acknowledge their absence, and accept the pain I've already experienced after losing them. It would require me to endure even more excruciating agony.

The mere thought of seeing myself in that way is enough to shatter me completely.

His warm hand presses against my face, gently directing my gaze to meet his compassionate eyes. Those eyes, usually filled with danger and darkness, now hold concern and care. They radiate warmth, soothing and comforting my body, but the pain still lingers.

"I've spent years hiding from it. It would break me," I confess with a trembling voice, already feeling the weight of unbearable agony pressing down on me. "It would destroy me. How can I live, constantly reminded that the ones who loved me are gone, that they've left me?" My question emerges hoarse and filled with anguish, and I can see the impact my words have on him.

"I know how irrational it sounds, but by not seeing them, I can at least live with the knowledge of my loss without being confronted by it every single second. I won't have to face the sight of the people I once loved... still love, and be reminded of everything, every single moment... it would break me even more than I already am... and I'm already a wreck," I try to explain, my voice trembling with panic as if the pain I'm running from is tightening its grip on me. "You-you don't understand the pain of seeing myself, it's like looking at the people I loved the most, and I've already endured that pain. I don't want to go through it again, I know-"

I find myself rambling anxiously, locking eyes with Alessandro as he listens attentively, witnessing the extent of my brokenness, the magnitude of my losses, and the profound impact they've had on me.

It may sound foolish, but it's what feels right for me.

I am damaged.

"You are already in pain, princess. You need healing. Release yourself from what has been causing you suffering. I understand that you believe seeing yourself would be akin to seeing them and inflicting further pain on yourself, but you do not have to hurt to let go. You truly do not," he assures me in a soft, comforting voice, prompting tears to stream down my cheeks as I gaze into Alessandro's caring eyes. "You deserve to be free."

A gentle sob escapes my lips at his final words.

If only Alessandro knew how much his concern and care warm my heart. It provides me with comfort and reassurance that I haven't received from many people in a long time. Even though his empathy and gentleness offer solace, the pain still lingers, tearing through me.

I am not sure if what he said can truly work, but I'm willing to believe, even if it hurts.

How can I accept without hurting?

"I-I can't," I shake my head, fully aware of how difficult it is for me. It has always been a struggle, not just to accept, but to even contemplate acceptance.

Losing people is the hardest thing, especially when the love shared is immeasurable. Words cannot describe it, so please don't blame me for not wanting to see myself, because I know I won't be able to handle the despair and heartbreak.

Alessandro's hands envelop me, drawing me close, providing solace to my aching, fragile form.

I surrender to the weight of his touch, my eyelids gently closing, burdened breaths escaping my chest. Pain courses through me, seizing every ounce of my strength and diminishing my flickering hope for a brighter tomorrow.