♡Strange emotions | Kamukoma | FINISHED♡

23 | The grave, once again

"Komaeda? You wanted to talk to us." Kamukura said, sitting down on the bench next to him.

"Yeah, I... I did,"

"So? What's up, bro?" Souda asked him. "You seemed nervous the whole time at school,"

Komaeda took a deep breath. "I just... wanna apologize,"

"For what? I can't recall being upset with you," Kamukura said.

"Of course you can't. You're too nice for that. I'm a horrible friend,"

"What's up, soul bro? You can tell us,"

"I-I've been so stuck on thinking about Hajime since he died, I... I never even considered your feelings," Komaeda said.

"What do you mean?"

"I-I ditched Kamukura-kun to go visit his grave, I- I got mad at you for telling me me move on, I promised Kamukura-kun I'd think about being with him e-even when I know I still love Hajime... I'm so sorry,"

Souda sighed and rubbed his back. "It's... it's okay-"

"It's not okay! Stop telling me it's okay just 'cause I'm sad! I made mistakes and I have to make it up to you guys. I have to... I have to move on,"

Souda nodded. "Look, dude, if that's what you wanna do, I'll help in any way I can, okay?"

Komaeda hugged him. "I-I don't know how to put my gratitude into words,"

Kamukura was still silent as Komaeda pulled away from the hug.
Komaeda turned towards him.

"Kamukura-kun, I'm sorry for-"

"I will help you too," He simply said.

"Ah, thank you,"

Kamukura got up. "Komaeda?"

"Yes?"

"I think you should visit his grave one last time,"

"Huh? Am I not allowed to keep visiting him?"

"Only if you can handle that,"

Komaeda nodded. "Can you both come with me?"

"Of course!" Souda said.

They made their way over to the graveyard.

Hinata's grave was well kept. Komaeda had placed flowers and candles around it.

He tightly gripped Kamukura's hand and gulped.
He took a deep breath and sat down.

"I miss you..." He sighed. "I-it's not fair. You shouldn't have had to go this way. Y-you deserved to live. I-I thought... I always thought we were gonna grow up together..."

Souda put a hand on Komaeda's shoulder and gently rubbed it, trying to ground him.

"Y-you said we would. You promised we'd always be together... W-why is this so hard for me to accept? I'm used to people dying... this should be no different," He said.

Komaeda sighed again. "You saved my life so many times and now... now you're gone. I couldn't save you. It's not... it's not fair! I-I don't wanna forget you. I... I don't want to forget the times we spent together!" Tears rolled down his face.

"No matter what happens... I'll always remember the person you were! I'll always think of you as someone I couldn't possibly have lived without!" He began trembling.

"Hey." Souda began, pulling him into a hug. "Wanna go now? You're stressed out,"

Komaeda shook his head slightly. "You know... Hajime... He always felt insecure. He had no ultimate talent. One time, he told me he'd get one for sure. He sounded so confident when he said it, I even believed him. I wonder... how he was able to be so certain about something he was so wrong about. I also wonder... how he died,"

Komaeda looked at the grave, eyebrows furrowing.

"Maybe I have to find out. Maybe... I can move on when I know he rests in peace. But... that might only make it harder. Seeing his corpse... would proof that he's... gone. Really gone... Why can't I accept it? It doesn't feel real, he can't be gone! He has to be here... somewhere,"

Souda rubbed Komaeda's back as he cried into his chest.

"I often dream about him. And then I wake up, crying," Komaeda said.

"He was always so sweet to me. He's been like that since the day we met. I knew him for over ten years, this- this isn't fair! I miss him so much!" He continued sobbing, gripping onto Souda's jumpsuit tightly.

"Kamukura-kun,"

"Yes?"

"You... l-look a lot like Hajime, you know? You have the same face, except for your eye colors. They're different. Hajime's eyes were bright green. It made him look friendly,"

Kamukura furrowed his eyebrows. Was this what irritation felt like? From what he knew about emotions so far, he was feeling irritated at the moment.

About half an hour later, they left the graveyard and brought Komaeda home. Souda left immediately because he did his mother would get mad if he wasn't home for dinner. Kamukura stayed a bit longer.

"Kamukura-kun?"

"Yes?"

"Could you, uhm, maybe stay here for the night? I don't really wanna be alone,"

Kamukura considered it. Any other day, he would have loved to. But today... Komaeda hadn't really been nice to him. He was... upset. He was upset with Komaeda. How was he supposed to confront him about it? Well, he just had to try.

"I'm upset,"

"Oh? Why?"

"Because of you,"

Komaeda's eyes widened. "What did I do?"

"You... ah... you, uh," Now that he was looking for the right words, his
anger seemed uncalled for.

"You can tell me,"

"You were... not nice,"

"Hm. What exactly did I do that wasn't nice?" Komaeda titled his head. It was hard for Kamukura to stay mad at him.

"You said Hinata and my eye colors were different. You said he looked friendly because he had green eyes. Do I not look friendly? You also said you promised to consider dating me even though you love Hinata,"

Komaeda sighed. "I know and I'm so sorry for that. I-I was just... well... I was so sad then and didn't think about your feelings," He said. "And I know it was unfair of me to say I'd consider dating you, knowing I wouldn't. I'm sorry,"

Kamukura's eyes widened. "You... will not be with me?"

Komaeda shook his head. "Not yet anyway,"

So... he was back to square one? He was back to trying to get Komaeda to like him?

"It's just... it's..." Komaeda sighed and sat down.

"Can I tell you something? It might help you understand me a bit better,"

Kamukura nodded and sat down next to him.