♡Strange emotions | Kamukoma | FINISHED♡

38 | forgiveness

Kamukura felt horrible. He'd scared Komaeda and broken his promise. Komaeda had already had abandonment issues and now he probably made it worse by just leaving like that.

When he remembered how Komaeda had been crying and asking him to come back, his heart ached. He'd been so, so cruel.

He remembered kissing Komaeda, holding his hand and hugging him. He remembered telling him how much he loved him and now He'd probably broken the poor guys heart.

But he'd make it right. He knew he would.

He just wanted to hold the other boy again and tell him everything would be alright.

Komaeda was sitting at the water fountain. He looked over and saw a tree. There was a heart engraved on it. Inside, the letters 'K+H' were carved. Komaeda remembered how Hinata had kissed his cheek after showing him the heart.

He smiled. He could think of him without crying now. It wasn't a bad memory, it made him happy now.

He took a deep breath and got up. It was cold since it was already October.

He sneezed. "Oh no, am I getting sick? What a bummer," He sighed.

Komaeda had poor health. He got sick a lot and it was always severe, so he decided to go home.

The way there felt long and he had a headache. Komaeda rubbed his arms to warm up.

He could see the white puffs of air when he breathed.

Komaeda lifted his hands to his mouth and breathed on them, trying to warm up.

When he finally arrived home, he sighed in relief.

Komaeda changed into warmer clothes and went to bed, pulling the blanket over his body.

He took a short nap and woke up, thirsty.

Komaeda went downstairs and made himself tea to keep warm. It was raining outside.

"Thank God I'm here already," He said to himself.

The tea warmed him up and he sat down on the couch, pulling a blanket over himself again. Komaeda decided to simply watch the news on his TV.

He yawned and decided to take another nap.

It was dark when he woke up again. He checked the time. 7 p.m.

Komaeda stretched and texted Souda that he wouldn't be going to school tomorrow because he was sick.

He checked his temperature to find out he had a fever.

"Aw man..." His body felt hot and he was sweating so he changed into different clothes.

He felt exhausted.

The doorbell rang.

Komaeda walked towards the door and opened it.

"Komaeda, I'm very sorry for-" Kamukura got interrupted by a hug.

"I was worried sick! Don't ever leave like that again!" Komaeda scolded.

They sat down because Kamukura said he needed to talk to Komaeda.

"I am sorry, Komaeda. I scared you. I lashed out at you. I left you when I promised I wouldn't do that," He began.

Komaeda smiled at him.

"I know it's no excuse, but please know that I did not do this with malicious intent. There is a lot going on. I am... confused. Feelings are confusing. I apologize, Komaeda- are you even listening?"

Komaeda grinned and shook his head. He pulled Kamukura into another hug.

"I'm not mad! I understand what you're going through. This is a lot to take in and it's overwhelming, but... don't ever question my love for you,"

"About that... I have a question,"

Komaeda tilted his head. "What is it?"

"If I... was born like a normal person. If Hinata and I were two different people, would you still love me? Hinata would still be alive then,"

Komaeda smiled. "Why do you care about that? You're here now and I love you! Why should it matter?"

"I just... I wondered... all of this. What do you think about the Kamukura Project? What do you think about me? What do you think about Hinata?"

"You know the answers to that. The Kamukura Project should have never happened. I love you and I miss Hinata-kun. Happy?"

"No. How can you say the Kamukura Project was a mistake when you love me?"

"It was a mistake, but you aren't. I'm glad you're here,"

"I know that's a lie,"

Komaeda gulped. "It's... not a lie. Would I have let you inside if I didn't like you?"

"Because you were nervous..?"

"Why can't you accept that I still love you?"

"Because it doesn't make sense! It's contradictory!"

"Well, feelings don't make sense and they're contradictory sometimes,"

"I know you don't truly feel that way. I know...you don't love me anymore,"

"I do love you!"

"No, you don't. I know, because... because if Hinata was still alive, you'd be with him,"

"He's not alive! He's gone, okay? And you're nothing like him! I don't care about the stupid project, I don't care that you're in his body, I just... want to move on... You're not Hinata-kun and you'll never be,"

"Why are you so angry?" He didn't ask this to provoke Komaeda even more. He was genuinely confused about it.

"Because you remind me of him... so much,"

"See? I knew you liked him more-"

"No! That's not what I mean. I don't mean you remind me of him by the way you look or act... I mean... you talk about him so much. How am I supposed to move on when you keep reminding me of him like that? I... I know, that he's gone. And it hurts. It hurts a lot, but... I'm trying to move on... Please don't stop me..."

Kamukura's eyes widened. He never meant to make Komaeda feel that way.

"Stop comparing yourself to him. You guys are two different people. And im not looking for someone I can replace Hinata-kun with, I'm just in love with you,"

Komaeda took a deep breath.

"Hinata-kun is the past. I'll always miss him and I'll always be grateful that he was there, but... You're here now. You're the present and... I wanna be with you,"

Kamukura felt his cheeks heat up. He gently grabbed Komaeda's hands and kissed them.

"I wanna be with you too. So... will you forgive me?"

"I already said that!" Komaeda laughed. He kissed Kamukura. "Of course I do,"

Kamukura smiled and hugged him tight.