Speak

Chapter 17

The month of September had passed in a blur, and yet here I was standing in the homecoming dress in absolute terror. Staring at the mirror I realized that Adam and I, while not entirely official in school, would be answering any superstitions tonight. My brother, who was growing more and more tense in my presence every day, stood in the doorway of my bedroom in surprise.

"You look beautiful, Ava, Adam is a lucky guy." He commented, and I knew that this was the most intimate sibling moment we had shared in a long time. It brought a pained look to both of our faces, for this was supposed to be a moment my dad and I were supposed to share. With that being clear, it made me realize just how much of a father figure Jason had become to me. He was the only man in my life other than Adam.

Alice, who wore a sparkling black dress, grinned as she jumped up from the bed upon his presence. After spending a grueling amount of time with Jake and Adam, the two of us had become close friends. She demanded the two of us spend time together, to her I was "just too cute" and it had been awhile since she'd had a girl friend.

"Isn't it so exciting? She just has to slip on her earrings and then Adam and Jake will be here any minute." She spoke cheerfully, making me giggle quietly. It was the most sound anyone had gotten me to make. I was willing to accept it, as it made Adam extremely happy and filled Jason with pride. Not to mention it made me feel less like a prisoner of my own mind.

"Yes, very exciting." He nodded with a chuckle, looking once again at me with an astonished gaze. It was only a month into my junior year but he seemed to think that the new relationships I had created were a step in the right direction. I would never tell him so, but really they were just friends and a boyfriend. These people weren't taking me in any direction. Even they couldn't change my mind about speaking.

I couldn't help but notice how he seemed to stay clear of Alice, still a bit uncertain of her. Much like Jake, she had somewhat of the same punk fashion sense. Turning eighteen in a month she was still unable to get anything but her ears pierced, due to her parents restrictions, but wasn't afraid to rock the face piercings. One hoop rested on her nose and her cartilage was well dressed up in gold metal. A fake tattoo was always present on her wrist, the word freedom in a mocking black ink. She was much less intimidating than Jake, but all the while still someone to be reckoned with. The girl killed punk stereotypes with her cheerful spirit, though.

"You look beautiful as well, Alice, I'll leave you guys to that then. Ashley and the camera are waiting downstairs as soon as you're ready.." He smiled, slipping out and shutting the door behind him as well. Alice, who was generally short, wore heels that nearly brought her to the same height as Jake. Since I had yet to slip my own shoes on, she towered over my body as she handed me my black heels.

"Put on those heels, Ava, I'll go put your phone and makeup in your clutch." She offered, still amused by my inability to ever be ready on time. As she retreated to the bathroom, I returned to the mirror. With my heels now on, I couldn't help but feel extremely anxious. I felt beautiful, more beautiful than in a long while, but still wanted to look purely happy again. While I was getting there again, it wasn't completely there. And I missed it. The deepest parts of me longed for it.

My dress was nude, and simple, but looked more homecoming formal with the black heels and necklace. Blonde loose curls fell down my shoulders, simple and perfect. My makeup was elegant and neutral. It did not bring any unnecessary attention to myself, contrasting greatly to Alice's dark but effective eyeliner. As Alice walked back into the bedroom I smiled as she tossed me my lipgloss. Turning back at my reflection I carefully applied it before sitting at my desk chair in anticipation.

We both waited, Alice talking nonstop across from me on the bed. Her ability to do this was something I loved about her. I could just sit and listen to her stories nodding every few minutes or so, so she knew I was attentive, and it never bothered her that I didn't reply. It was great. She never expected anything more from me than I expected of myself. She was a great friend.