Speak

Chapter 20

I don't know how I ended up with Adam considering the way he used to look at me. In all honesty, if someone had asked me I'd respond by telling them that it had all started with the note I left in his bag in the first week of school. After all that is why I every interacted with Adam in the first place. However, I wouldn't be able to explain to them that Adam and I had grown to be so much more than that. It's not explainable but somehow its able to be understood.

In the same manner, I don't know how I had ended up at the party. Better yet, I don't know how I ended up alone at the party. At one point in the night I was sitting quietly on the football field in shielding arms and the next I was being put into a dress and driven to a high school party.

I wasn't foreign to the scene, in my sophomore and even freshman year I had done my share of partying. After all, I had been on the cheer team. I was a natural in to the high school cliche scenes. At the mere thought of cheerleading I identified the squad, in uniform, at the opposite end of the room. I watched as Meredith, who used to be my best friend, laughed along with the other girls. We had exchanged eye contact merely five minutes ago but it seemed as if she had forgotten I was even there since then.

Adam on the other hand, had vanished outside with the guys. I knew he had forgotten me for the time being. He had a beer in his hand but I didn't mind. I was okay with driving him home. I could see him past the sliding door leading out to the large backyard. I caught sight of his neat button down. Tonight was his night, I wouldn't do anything to change that. I was so tired of making everything about me; it felt like I had become this extremely selfish person. Adam deserved so much more than that, especially tonight.

Jake and Alice had also arrived ten minutes ago, but Alice had managed to drag Jake away from me and towards the table of assorted vodka practically seconds after entering the house. I could confidently say that the two of them were having their own fun. Henceforth, I sat there in the corner, alone, with a cup of fruit punch that wondrously hadn't been spiked yet. It was common at parties, especially when the boys on the team were notorious for teasing you.

With the new emotions and thoughts circulating, I was definitely tempted to have a drink. Yet memories of my father's accident flashed before me. There was no way I was taking any chances. There was no way I wanted to increase the chances of taking someone else's family member. So, instead I just cowered to the floor in hopes of shielding myself from anyone else.

Sitting with my legs crossed I placed my hands in my lap, not wanting anyone to see underneath my dress. It was a black number, one that was tight and clung to every piece of upper body and thighs. It was the type of dress I used to wear to every Friday night out. It was a small remanence of the girl with the fake ID and bright red lipstick. In the distance I could hear Adam's voice, as well as Jake and Alice's. I knew they were probably talking about the game. Jake knew way more about the game than I did.

"Something must really be wrong with you." A female voice spoke from above my small figure. Looking up I realized that Meredith hadn't forgotten about me after all. My cell phone's light dimmed as I neglected the screen to stare at her. To my surprise the usual band of cheerleaders didn't follow suit of her simple presence. All of the underclassmen seemed to love her. She wasn't intimidating and on a general basis wasn't inconsiderate whatsoever. Not to mention, a junior was the next best thing to a senior. 

I tried to ignore her confrontation because I knew that she would speak with a bitter taste. "What is wrong with you?" The blonde chastised. It wasn't cruel but I didn't find it endearing. She was almost mocking me and the situation I found myself in. She had no idea what was going through my head. That's what made her upset and I knew I had to take full responsibility for that.