Of Sand and Snow

Chapter 6: Go For It, Qibli!

(The song for this chapter is Feel Again by OneRepublic)

Time seemed to pass much faster on the way back than it did on the way there. Before Qibli knew it, they'd already reached Nightshade's home. Their wings ached, their lungs, and their hearts (at least for two of them). Nightshade was more than happy to house the two for the night, with them all bedding down in the same room. She had to cannibalize some furniture to serve for beds, but she promised them that it wasn't an issue at all. That's how Qibli ended up with half a couch, and Winter receiving the other half. The sand wing rested his head on the cushion, looking over at his sleeping companion.

Frankly, he wasn't sure what was going to happen now. They both clearly had some unresolved and chaotic feelings about each other. Qibli clenched his claws tightly and restlessly as his thoughts deepened. Why had he been so stupid? At the time, it had all seemed like such a foolproof plan. Invite Winter on a quick getaway and have a bit of fun exploring Jade Mountain. Over that time, he'd eventually tell him that Moon broke up with him and that he needed the trip and his help to process it. They would have a shared emotional moment and they'd both come away from it feeling better. Now that he was thinking it through, he realized how strongly the breakup had affected him. Even this idealistic version of the plan was fraught with problematic aspects and was entirely centered around lying to Winter and playing it off as an elaborate joke/therapy session. With how many ways it could have easily gone wrong, he was surprised it hadn't ended up way worse than it was now.

He still remembered when Winter had smiled at him; that warm, sincere smile. The way that his heart fluttered thinking about it. In a way that he hadn't felt since he first met Moon. What irony, that in trying to get away from a broken heart, he had fallen again. Even now, he could feel a low burning warmth in his heart that threatened to rage like a wildfire. He wanted Winter, he needed him. It felt like there was nothing more important than what was happening right now, in this house, at this moment.

He closed his eyes, slowly drifting away. Anything could happen in the next few days, and he was going to do his damndest to make things right.

In the morning, the three shared a jovial breakfast. The mood had lightened ever since the departure, and it finally seemed like it was close to being back to where it was when they first left. Yet, whenever Winter looked his way or met his eyes, there was a hesitation. It was if every time he looked, he remembered Qibli's awful lie. The treachery, the awful things he'd done. It took everything Qibli had not to frown and bite his tongue. Instead, he socialized as best he could with Nightshade and kept on a big fake smile. He'd been good at that ever since he was a child.

On the other side of the room, but not far enough to pull on the collar of course, sat Winter. He was grappling with issues of his own.

I'm really not mad at him anymore, not even in the slightest. Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? What he did was wrong, but it wasn't really all that consequential. It wasn't as if the world was ending or anything. Though, I don't want to just brush it off and act like it was nothing. Then again, he is my best friend. If I did something similar, I'd assume he wouldn't stay mad at me either. Ugh, why did he have to go and be dumb for the first time in his life? Winter thought to himself.

He had actually woken up from a fairly pleasant dream about Qibli. One that certainly confirmed a lot of his prior feelings. However, if that was the case, what was he? He liked Qibli of course, but he still had some feelings for Moon. He'd heard terms before that described different kinds of attraction. He never thought he actually had to grapple with any of that, so none of it really internalized. Winter always assumed that he was 'normal,' and that in itself made him frown. Being straight may be the most common, and the 'norm' in a way, but that didn't mean anything else was abnormal. It wasn't as if you got to pick and choose what you were attracted to. It's just the way a dragon was born, and there was nothing wrong or strange about that at all.