Thanatophobia |Levi Ackerman|

Chapter 42

The next few weeks passed by in a blur. We had been questioned and condemned almost relentlessly. I don't know what I had expected when we had come back from Shiganshina. I didn't expect a parade of welcomes or praise but we had been treated like criminals. Half of us had to spend a few days in the cellar because of the little mutiny they had over the vial.

I wasn't happy about it, but I knew there was no hiding it. I was scared since I had remained silent during the ordeal but Mikasa and Eren were ordered to be kept down there for threatening Levi though Levi didn't care. Armin was forced to stay down there as well though I think it's just because they were scared of him transforming.

I wasn't even permitted to see them for nearly a week and I was furious about it. I tried to stay off of Levi's back because this was well beyond his control, but he knew I was bothered by it. Hange eventually was able to let them free once her position had been cleared up.

Soon enough it followed with us being awarded special awards for our service but it felt more like a slap in the face. We had lost all but 5% of the Scout regiment in the southern region. We had for all intensive purposes barely made it out with our lives and hardly a thing more. Sure we had taken back Shiganshina but it took a heavy cost to do so.

I was no stranger to the harsh morals of the Scouts and expected nothing less but it frankly was the first time I had ever felt the confusion of the Scouts. It felt as though they didn't know what to do. Things grew cold and all forward momentum we had seemed to come to a halt.

It felt as though the idea of an outside world wasn't as big of a deal as it initially seemed. Part of it was due to the cold winters as the weather came around. It made it difficult to plan any sort of trip out from the walls.

We had no idea how far we were from the boundaries of this so call island we were on. We had been outside the walls, well not we, but others before our time, my parents included so I thought, explored that land. What exactly came of it wasn't much, we hadn't ever been very far.

I think the bottom line was that they were scared of what we would find. The winter was just an excuse. Though it had snowed more and got colder than any year prior it was nothing that wasn't passable.

I settled with the fact that we were soon to be getting people back in Shiganshina. The damage was extensive but it was nothing we hadn't seen before. The destruction in Trost was all the same. The hardest part of reclaiming that wall was done.

I knew the day we left these walls with purpose would come. Though I wanted it sooner than later, I knew it would eventually come. I just needed to prepare myself.

I heard a small noise that caught my attention as I opened my eyes on the couch. Armin was laid on his back with the book he had been reading flopped face down on his chest. His mouth hung open and a snore had left his mouth every few seconds. I rubbed my eyes realizing I'd had just woken up from dozing off myself. My own thoughts had woken me up clearly never letting me have a moment to rest.

I saw the fire in front of us starting to die out. I got to my feet and picked up one of the logs that we had been feeding the fire. I threw it in and used the rod next to it to get it into place. I stretched my arms above my head and let out a soft moan.

Armin and I had been here since early this morning. We had spent most days together since there wasn't much to do. Levi and Hange would spend most of their time traveling and in meetings so our squad was often left without responsibility. We just stayed in the barracks within Trost which was good for all of us.

I had sustained injuries that had kept me visiting the infirmary every day. They had been worried about internal bleeding and other issues so they had asked for me to check in every day for almost the whole first month we had been back. It had been about 2 months since we had reclaimed Shiganshina now so I went every few days.