a fragile state of mind

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feel free to talk to me. i have not been getting a lot of communication recently. it feels extra lonely. i thought i was okay with myself. i mean i wasn't as excited about life before i met him but he feels gone and i feel left alone with me. i have preferences like everybody else. nobody else just wants to admit it. it's hard to have motivation built into our blood. motivation that gives strength to our bodies and bones. you have to have the right music to set the mood. i'm still going to think about him for a while. not on purpose but it feels comparable to quitting smoking. or at least trying to. cold turkey is not the best move. i can't reach out but i can still give space to the thoughts of him. i can still remember that i deserve to respect myself. and respecting myself is not giving into what can tear me down. even if it's a feeling. it's one i know comes with a consequence. it doesn't feel good. but i still deserve to. if not now then someday. and i have to look forward to that day. believe that as much as it hurts it was meant for me. and it will strengthen me. and that i will love and be loved the same. someday, if not today.