I started to notice my sudden shift and decline of behaivor, back in 6th grade. When we were put infront of the class and were basically told to recite the paper that was handed to us for our moving up ceremony. All of the honor students needs to be the one representing afterall.
Not even half way through my paper, i was crying, i was shaking, i was so afraid of my classmates that i knew for almost 6 years. It soon became more violent when i heard one of my classmates mutter in his breath about making it fast.
I was getting much more scared, i just wanted the world to sink, like my stomache that wants to give out. In the end i didnt finish it. Looking back, it was so traumatizing and even now it still is.
I would look back into it once in a while and just want to go back in time and encourage myself to not be so afraid and everyone will just forget in the end anyways. But that is just stupid to think, you cant go back in time. Maybe in the future you can, one can hope that no paradox will happen tho.
Even if i wasnt there to be able to calm myself, there was people who i call friends to help me calm and even reassure me, saying that it looks more realistic because i was crying, even if that was out of fear.
I love them so much, it hurts my heart to even think of them going away, us breaking apart. In the near future, maybe two (2) to three years i will need to go.
Moving away from the country i lived iny whole life. But we will find a way to still be friends. I want to be there when they first had their first partners, or maybe if they get married in the far future. I want to witness all of it, so I can't die now.
Give yourself reasons if you don't have any, make any. Please don't give up.
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𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 - 𝙮𝙯𝙯𝙖
Randomwhy dont you find it by yourself? joke its just rants about my feelings, current emotions and some stories. nothing too interesting :))
