Shadows & Dust [poetry]

Ben, and What Might Have Been

High school, sophomore year,

Chicago, early winter, Nine

Inch Nails Downward Spiral

tour. She entwined her bare

forearms around his torso,

under his black leather jacket,

asking, "Do you mind? I'm

freezing!" She'd left her coat

in the car, knowing otherwise

she'd roast during the show.

Her Jack O'Lantern-orange

t-shirt read, "This is my

costume" in chilling black

font. She loved Halloween

and pretty, longhaired boys.

They talked. He held cigarettes

to her chapsticked lips with

gloved fingers. They separated

once the auditorium doors opened

but reconnected after the show.

He leaned in to kiss her. She

turned her head, pressed her

lips to his ear, as though

telling him her secret: all

evidence to the contrary, she

was really rather shy and had

only ever kissed her girlfriend.

The girlfriend who she saw

at the show with someone

else, because they never

saw each other outside of

work, furtive kisses in a

beat-up truck on borrowed

rides home; she never saw

him again and later forgot

his name. It might have been

Ben. Had she possessed a

braver heart, he might've 

been her first boyfriend.