Need To Know

Chapter 4

I took Benedict's firm hand and he led me to the dance floor. I put my hands on his shoulders and his hands were on my waist. We moved around the room with rhythm and grace.

"You're a wonderful dancer, you know?" I commented.

"I've been told that, however it's only been by my mother," he laughed. It made me smile in response.

He stared at me in what seemed to be astonishment, but I just continued to focus on my feet placements. Taking my hand, he spun me out and back into him, grabbing my waist softly as we stood close. The music ended and he escorted me back to where we were earlier.

He turned to me, looking at me sweetly, "Amelia, I was wondering if I could speak with you? Perhaps outside?"

"I don't know," I hesitated.

"Please," his eyes pleaded as he held out his arm. I took it tentatively and he led me outside. We stood just around the corner from the entrance. The air was chilly with a warm breeze. I let go of his arm and stood a few steps away from him. "Would you like my jacket?"

"No, thank you, I'm quite alright," I replied.

"Amelia, we've known each for a while now, and even though it's been years since we've seen each other, I feel like not a day has passed. I've always like you and I want to ask you-"

"Benedict, please, I can't. I know what you want to ask, but I can't say yes." My heart aches knowing what I'm doing and saying to him. He's clearly hurt by these words.

"Why ever not?"

"I can't say," I pleaded.

"You can't or you won't?" He said forcefully with glassy eyes that began to get puffy.

"Benedict-"

"Please just tell me why you won't marry me?! I know you like me, but I deserve to at least know why you won't marry me," he said in a whisper-shout.

"Because I love someone else! I can't marry you because I'm in love with someone else. I know what could happen between us if we did marry, so it's best for me to marry anyone but you," I cried out, "I'm so sorry, Ben." Tears now streaming down my face. I turned around so he couldn't watch me. "I'm so sorry if I made you believe that I loved you. I was trying to be nice. You're my friend, but I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."

We stood in silence for what felt like an eternity before he put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me, "It's my brother, isn't it?" I remained silent, just sniffling to myself. He spun me around gently to look at me. He took my face cradling it in his hand, "It's alright. I understand. I kind of thought you might still like him, but I didn't want to assume anything." He wiped my tear with his thumb. "Don't worry, I'll keep it our secret," he winked, "I'm sorry I misunderstood your affection for me." He leaned down and tenderly kissed me on my forehead. "I love you, Amelia, even if we won't be together." He took my hand and kissed it before walking back inside.

Outside, I tried to compose myself before entering again. I walked to a nearby bench that was sat under a large tree. It was away from Aubrey Hall, but I was still close enough to hear faint laughter and music playing. As I sat with my face in my hands, arms rested on my lap, I heard footsteps coming towards me. "I'll be inside soon, Benedict. I just need to put myself together. A little less tears perhaps."

"I'm not Benedict, although I too would like to make sure you're okay." Anthony stood beside me, gesturing his hand out to me.

"I'm sorry, but I'd like to stay here if that's ok. Alone."

"I heard what you and Benedict were talking about."

"You followed us?"

"Yes, but only because I know my brother and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well, I am so thank you. I'll be inside shortly."

He sat down next to me, just staring at the ground in front of us. "So... you still like me?" He stated simply but hesitant.

"What? What makes you ask that?"

"Like I said, I heard you both."

"Well if you did hear us, you would know we were talking about Colin."

"Colin?" he questioned dumbfounded.

"Yes Colin, I'm in love with... Colin."

"No you're not," he didn't believe a word I said. "Colin's nice and all, but I know you don't love Colin. Not to mention you let Benedict kiss you," he trailed off mumbling to himself.

"It was just on the forehead, and he was just comforting me because I was crying. Why would you care about that anyways?" I retorted.

"I don't. I'm just saying you clearly don't love Colin and you like Benedict, so what you love me?" He looked at me smiling that smug smile of his. It makes me want to tell him yes and no all at the same time.

"And what if I did! What are you jealous of Ben? That he got to dance with me and kiss me, but you didn't!"

"And what if I am," he said way to calm for my liking.

"Well that's just too bad I guess because we can't and you know it," it breaks my heart a little bit knowing I'm right when desperately wishing I was wrong.

He scooted closer to my side and began playing with my hair that hung down, twisting it in circles around his finger. "What if I told you that I want to. Just not now."

"Not now? Not ever! What do you even mean?"

"I mean not now, but at our wedding."

Now I finally had the confidence to look at him, directly at him, "Anthony Bridgerton! Are you out of your mind?! You are asking for my hand in marriage while courting another girl who's waiting for you to ask her? I've had enough!" I stood quickly about to walk away when he too stood up and grabbed my hand pulling me close into him until our chests were almost touching. "No," I yelled, "you will not get the satisfaction that you desire! I know you and I know your past. I'd be willing to put those thoughts of what you were aside for you if that's what you were! But I was wrong. It's what you are. Maybe I should just marry Benedict! I know him and I know that he'd love me and only me and only be with me rather than try to have another at the same time."

I stormed back inside leaving him out there by the tree. I hope my thoughts lingered in the air. I hope he'd come to his senses. And I hope that I don't let him win.