Need To Know

Chapter 13

After a long day of reading and napping, I left Anthony upstairs to go down for dinner for the first time in a long time. I promised I wouldn't stay long. Dinner was short with everyone conversing about the wedding being in two days and Eloise needing to be present at the next ball.

Afterwards I went upstairs to my room only to find it was empty. I opened my window to look around outside to see if he was maybe in the garden, but he was not. I decided to wait for him. Maybe he had gone to get a book, or get paperwork, or go for a walk. I just didn't want to assume he had left me.

After a couple of hours, I had fallen asleep, only to be awaken by another storm approaching. I stood up to close the window when I noticed someone now standing in the garden. I ran downstairs and out the back door, hoping it was Anthony. The storm clouds moved overhead and a light sprinkling filled the air. I ran barefoot into the garden, my hair and dress flying in the breeze, damp grass squished between my toes. I stood a few feet away from him. "Anthony, what are you doing out here? Where did you go? I've been waiting for you," I announced.

He spun around to look at me, "I took a walk." He stood in silence before blurting out, "I visited him. My father. You know, he was the best man, the best father, the best husband to ever walk this earth. How can I even compare?" He brushed his now damp hair off his face. "I've so desperately wanted to be exactly as he was, but I fear I don't even come close enough to appear to be his son. The Viscount," he mocked.

"Anthony," I cried out, "you are plenty good enough! There is no one more suitable for this role as you are."

"Really? Because if I truly was, I'd be a better brother for my siblings, I wouldn't have left them as I did and become drunk out of my wits. I would've told you how much I love you," I blushed and stood like stone, "I would've been responsible and loving and caring, but instead I am everything he was not! I don't deserve this role, and yet even with thoughts of fleeing, I could never just leave my family or you. And then you," he took a step closer to me, inhaling deeply, "you manage to push me away and pull me closer all at the same time! I allow you as a guest, my friend, my lover, my future wife, and we've never been so distant! Even with 10 years of separation, I feel so apart from you as I do now."

I stood breathless as he was now in front of me. My heart raced as the rain began pouring out of the heavens. He reached up and wiped my hair from my face.

"I've always loved you, Amelia!" he shouted over the rain. "Since 10 years ago, every conversation, every day, every night, I've missed you! The thought of you coming to visit drove me mad, I couldn't sleep! All while courting Miss Edwina, I thought of you, and then you're here," he cupped my face with his hands, "and I so desperately want you."

"Anthony," I whispered. He came in closer to my face, almost touching lips.

"Amelia," he softly whispered back. "I don't know what to do." He pulled himself away. "I don't know what to do because I don't think you feel the same as I do."

"Anthony, why would you say that? Of course I do!" I yelled.

"Well then why do you push me away! Why can't you tell me you love me?" He emphasized.

I furrowed my brows at him and squinted my eyes. "Maybe for the same reason you couldn't tell me!" I shouted in return, "Because we're both so scared about losing someone, that we don't want to lose each other again!"

"Then tell me I'm wrong, Amelia, tell me you love me! That I'm crazy for thinking otherwise! I've asked you to marry me because I love you. There was never another reason why. Not out of duty, or shame, or any other reason you've thought of these past few days," he came closer to me again, "Amelia, I've always wanted you and to be with you. Please, spare me of my misery, and tell me you feel the same!" he pleaded.

"Anthony, of course I love you too! I've always loved you and only you," I held his face in my hand, "No one has ever made me feel as you do. I've haven't felt more frustrated, more in love, more wanted, more needed than I do when I'm with you," I breathed.

I pulled him in, kissing him harder as he did back. I grabbed the back of his head as he pulled me into him, holding my waist. "Anthony, there is nothing I want me in this world than to be with you," I moaned into his ear causing him to groan too. He began grabbing the fabric of my dress, trying to pull it up. I stopped him. "Anthony someone could see!" I gasped.

"Ok," he said as he grabbed my hand, running back into the house. We ran up the stairs to my room, him taking off items of his clothing as we went. I ran into my room and began taking my dress off as he locked the door. He came back over to me kissing me longingly, "I'm so sorry for my words and actions, Amelia. I never meant- " "I know," I cut him off. As he lowered me onto the bed and climbed over me, he leaned in towards my ear and whispered, "I can't wait to marry you," with a smile.

A few hours later we woke up as the sun rose. "Good morning, beautiful," he nuzzled into my neck, "My mother would have both of our heads if she knew I was in here." We both giggled.

"Well then I'm glad she doesn't know," I said as I rolled back over on top of him, kissing him deeply.