Home for Horny Monsters - Book Six

True North

It took most of the hour to get Santa's bedroom cleaned up. Mike and Yuki had stacked the wet towels in an empty laundry basket by the fireplace before sitting down to eat the food left for them. Beneath the silver domes on the tray was a wonderful roast duck dinner with green beans and mashed potatoes on the side. A thermos full of hot apple cider had been provided, and the two of them ate in silence on the floor as they attempted to finish the meal before Mrs. Claus returned.

Occasionally, a loud banging could be felt throughout the house, but Mike had decided it would be better to stay put. He was already on her bad side, and didn't have anything else to wear other than the pants she had given him. His clothes were lost in the cracks of reality, and he didn't feel like wandering around the North Pole in just his pants.

Yuki kept flashing him sly smiles. Her upbeat demeanor was infectious, and he caught himself smiling in response. When they finished eating, she leaned against him and closed her eyes.

"Not bad for a first date, Caretaker." She chuckled and put her hand against his chest. "Though I would have preferred somewhere with more dancing."

"Oh, so we're dating now?"

She giggled and turned her face away from him. "I'll probably end up pregnant after what you did. We might have to get married."

"What?" He sat up so suddenly that Yuki fell away from him, revealing the stupid grin on her face.

"Man, you're so easy." She laughed and patted her belly. "I can't get pregnant unless I want to. For someone who likes to blow his load in every woman he fucks, you put very little thought into the potential consequences."

He pressed his lips together and frowned. The thought had occurred to him more than once that he should really get his shit together regarding all the women he had sex with. "You're not wrong," he admitted.

"Maybe Christmas Present will give birth to all sorts of new holidays. Mike day, big dick day, Radl—ow!" She jerked away from him when he pinched her inner thigh.

"I should probably talk to Naia about birth control," he admitted. "I've just taken it for granted that so many of you are either incompatible with me or can take care of it yourselves. That's how I ended up with an egg and a little horse boy who hates me."

Yuki sobered up at the mention of Callisto. "I don't think he hates you," she said, then sat up and adjusted her robes. "The centaurs aren't stubborn because they're taught to be. They really are just born that way. The herd are his people, and maybe it's that you represent that part of him that's always going to be different. He's still a child and doesn't fully appreciate that being different is a good thing."

"I suppose so." Mike looked at the door again, wondering where was Mrs. Claus. He had expected her to return in exactly an hour, but he had no way of knowing just how much time had passed.

"Should we leave?" she asked, noticing his gaze.

"No." He looked back at her. "I suspect she's still dealing with Kisa and hopefully Tink and Holly." His familiar was thirty feet below him now, and he could sense her gratitude and contentment, which likely meant that Mrs. Claus was feeding her as well. He had tried to communicate a couple of times, but Kisa had been too distracted to sense him. "Telepathy would be really nice right about now," he told her.

"Then maybe you should find a telepath to fuck." She winked at him and stood. "So how does this work? Can you summon ice magic now?"

"Hmm?" Realizing that she was asking about his ability to swap souls, he shrugged. "Oh, right. No idea, it isn't always obvious. Would be nice if it was."