this is different. not a one shot.
just some real life struggles i needed to get out of my chest. and for anyone going through the same thing just know it's gunna be okay my loves, my pms are always open for anyone who needs to talk.
i love you all so much, thank you for the recent support and the one shots will be back very soon once i get my life back together again :))
enjoyyy <333
————————————-
he threw away all we had. all the memories and moments we had together, he threw them away. all the times we talked about having a life together, having kids, watching them grow up, taking them all over the world together and growing old together. all gone.
all it took was one girl and he threw it all away.
my heart aches every time he passes my mind. every time someone says his name or asks me whats wrong. every time i remember him.
i gave him everything he could've wanted, i gave him all of me, all of my trust, my life, everything. i loved him with every single ounce in my body and he threw it away.
how could he
why did he do it
how could throw our whole relationship away
why was it so easy for him
how could hurt me like that
why wasn't i enough for him
how didn't i see it coming
why why why why why
that's all i could think
he didn't know why he did it. said he wasn't thinking, said he didn't mean it and he was so sorry. said she didn't mean anything to him, said if i could just give a chance he'd prove that he wasn't like that.
how could i give him a chance when i saw everything he'd said to her. every disgusting word he said to her.
said he really liked her and they got close really fast, said he didn't have a girlfriend, said everything he once said to me but to her. said she was the perfect girl, said he couldn't wait to see her and be with her. said he caught feelings for her.
i don't think i'd ever felt hurt like that in my life. seeing someone you're in love with say all those things, but to someone else. all the while you're patiently waiting for that notification to pop up on your phone from him.
it's so scary how fast you can go from loving someone so much to hating the mere thought of them. i hated him and i still do.
i would've given up my whole life for him without a second thought that's how much i loved him. i trusted him and he betrayed me.
i loved him and he cheated on me. i loved him and he shattered my heart into a million pieces. i loved him and threw our whole relationship out the window. i loved him with my whole heart and he didn't.
i ask him over and over why why why why. just tell me why so i can move on. just tell me why so i can understand. just tell me please.
he says he doesn't know why. i don't know why baby i'm so sorry please just a chance please. i will make it better, i'll show you better i promise.
i didn't think i could walk away from him and it broke me having to do it. tears ran down both our cheeks. i just wanted to wake up from this awful dream but it never happened. it's real.
for days on no end i cried and cried and cried until i physically couldn't anymore. everything hurt. everything. my head my heart my whole body my everything. i didn't wanna be here anymore, i didn't want to feel anything anymore. i didn't want to live through this.
he wanted to talk. i just need to talk to you, i need you please. i didn't want to talk to him or even hear from him but deep down my hurt self also wanted nothing more than to see him. it was pathetic really but i wanted to see him.
so we talked.
he apologized for ages. i said i couldn't do it to myself and give him a chance. he started to get angry and said this was hurting him too. i say i'm sure it is but you're not the one who got cheated on. not the one who's whole world got thrown away in seconds.
had you actually loved me like you said you did you wouldn't have ruined our relationship like that. he said i had no right being this mad because i wasn't perfect either. i said i know i wasn't perfect but i didn't cheat on the love of my life. nor did i ever even think about it, but you? you really surprised me.
then he got sad again. it never meant anything i swear she didn't mean anything to me he said. that's not what those texts said i say. he was quiet for what felt like ages.
we had everything planned out, i wanted my whole life with you and only you i say. tears uncontrollably running down my face. i couldn't stop even if i tried.
i felt so lost. i didn't know what to do with myself anymore. my whole life flipped around in a couple days. i didn't want to live it anymore. it felt useless now.
i lost the boy i loved so much to a girl he knew for a day.
