CLOSE BEHIND | F. Hargreeves²

03

TW!: Very slight self-harm

Beau couldn't sleep but when could he ever? The unknown plagued his mind as it always did and it kept his thoughts buzzing around his head like insects clicking across his skull. No matter how much he tossed and turned nothing was going to calm the storm raging inside of him. He could feel Jude's dreams, the usual blissful and light emotion often floating around whenever his father didn't decide to crawl inside of his head to cause him harm. He could feel the restlessness of Five beside him, sleeping but only on the surface as the apocalypse looped over and over again like a broken record.

A sliver of moonlight shone through the curtains that weren't fully closed and Beau couldn't help but think of that time he had seen it hurtling towards earth for a split second, coming down upon them like an omen that was impossible to ignore or deny.

Beau's heart jumped and his head snapped to the side because he knew it didn't belong to him. Five breathed rapidly as dark thoughts grabbed at him violently, careless of the way they were affecting their host, and it caused pain to both occupants in the room. With hast, Beau brought a hand up to gently touch his fingers to the boy's forehead, red tendrils already flowing freely, to withdraw the terrors and instead replace them with what Five truly loved and treasured.

A flash of his own face passed through his mind which had Beau jolting out of bed, briefly seeing all of Five's siblings smiling and laughing in the Hargreeve's living room, breath caught in his throat. Why did he always forget that Five actually loved him? Why did he think it was all a lie? Maybe because he didn't deserve it, maybe because he knew he would eventually ruin it. Love was a lie, made up to keep kids hoping and wishing and praying, made for them to believe that it was actually possible.

Beau didn't believe was a lie... did he? He second-guessed himself every day.

Whatever the case, he didn't deserve Five and Five deserved better than Beau. He couldn't convey his emotions as others could, he didn't have that understanding of himself because he never had to. From being a caregiver for his mother to a student and experimentee to living a lie with an illusion he had called his wife for ten years, he didn't live for himself and Beau had thought that would be fine for, well, ever but now he had someone real to love and although he loved Jude dearly it wasn't the same.

"What's wrong?" A voice whispered into the silence, shocking Beau from his state of inner turmoil and freeing his wrist from the nails that had been embedded there.

Beau looked down at the slightly bloody crescent shapes before quickly peering over his shoulder at a half-awake Five propped up on his elbow, eyes squinted and hair awry. Beau shook his head and pulled down his sleeve, "Nothing, love, go back to sleep."

"Something's bothering you." Damn Five and his stubbornness and perceptiveness.

Beau sighed, leaning his head down to rub the back of his neck, "I was just wondering," He pursed his lips as he tried to think of a lie, "What the apocalypse entails this time."

Five hummed and moved to sit beside Beau, giving a doubtful look, "No, you weren't."

Beau chuckled, "You know me well. Too well."

"Is that a bad thing?"

Five's hand was small in his but not by much as he held it tenderly, "... Sometimes."

"Why?"

"What if you find something you don't like?"

"About you? Never."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because I love you and all of your faults."

With a deep frown, Beau squeezed Five's hand tighter, trying to find the right words to really say what he was thinking and bearing weighing down his shoulders painfully. "You're good, Five, and I'm not." it was blunt but it was true and Beau believed Five should know that even if he was ignoring it.