ESTEEM THYSELF

CHAPTER FIVE

"Now death where is thy sting, our resurrected King has rendered you defeated.Forever He is is glorious, forever He is lifted high, forever He is risen. He is alive!"

The music was on low volume as every word hit me to the core. I was still in disbelief as I sat on the back sit of Jordan's car. The whole process had been like a fantasy. I had only dreamt of this day but hadn't thought it would ever come especially when I still had three more years to serve...but God happened. He was working it out for someone like me...a murderer from the abortion, a home breaker from the affairs now, a robber from the fraud, a lier from the deceit, a rebel from my behavior and I didn't understand how. I mean how could he be so kind, so merciful so forgiving...the thoughts just made me want to cry and give Him my all. As unworthy as I was He still cared.

"You okay baby sis? Jordan asked softly and when I tried to respond, I found myself bursting in tears, " Oh Jez I didn't mean to upset you," he said touching my hand.

"I don't deserve this Jordan, how could God still come through for me, I'm no saint, I was guilty," I cried.

"Because He loves you it's as simple as that," he said quietly as we passed through Greendale.

I was overwhelmed. The feeling was beyond comprehension. Just knowing I was going home.

Within half an hour the familier neighborhood appeared, full of life. The green gigantic trees, the purple jacarandas, the neatly cut hedges the juniper lawn, the durawalls.

"Man I missed this place," I said with a cheesy smile in spite of everything

"I know," Jordan laughed,"It's written all over your face."

"I'm so happy to be back," I said closing my eyes, " You have no idea how I feel right now, or how grateful, man, what shall I render to Jehovah?"

"We are happy to have you back hun," Jordan was overjoyed.

Our parents came running towards me, the very moment we opened the gate and parked the car, I didn't even have time to take in the picture, the church building, the swings, the house... everything, no matter how small just looked so beautiful in my eyes.

"Jezreel!" they chorused as they ran with their weak legs, tears streaming down their faces and they embraced me.

"Is this really you honey?" my mum touched my face, my arms, my hands and hugged me again, "Oh how I missed you my baby."

And daddy just stood there and let her have her moment before he took me by the hand and led me inside the house.
Nothing had really changed in the house.

Everything was just as I had left it, with just a few more family portraits that I was the one missing in. It had been a good year and a half without me. The kitchen sent an amazing aroma of my favorite meal which my mum still remembered.

" I'll just go and bath before we catch up," I chuckled and they let me go.

In my room, by myself I was welcomed by my mirror which was directly opposite the door. I could barely recognize the girl in the mirror to be frank, so torn and tattered, thin and fragile and ugly, I thought to myself. My eyes just looked too big for my cheek boned thin face and my teeth didn't make it any better but still I was happy to be alive.

Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I took the hot bath I had longed for. It was so soothing I couldn't help but cry. In my mind, I was making a promise to myself, to be the best version of myself this time. To do my best to do my duty to God, to serve people and to keep the Brownie Law,...the thoughts took me way back and I laughed softly as I remembered my young Brownie self in the brown uniform...so young and free.