We Met In Detention ✓

Fifty | Tired

oh shit we're on chapter fifty

actually speeding it up now i promise

never mind

i like this book

update i finished it

~Harry's POV

When I walked away, I could've sworn I heard Myrtle say something. It didn't matter. I just really hoped she was bluffing. 

The first exams, Theory of Charms, begun at four and ended at six. I produced a quick Tempus and saw that it was just turning ten. 

Where'd all the time go?

It was quarter-to-eight when we were eating breakfast, or, well, Hermione and Draco, and now it's nine-fifty. Time is some strange concept.

I could sit here and revise, or I could stare at the sky for the next six hours. The latter seemed like a better option.

A parliament of owls caught my eye as they flew, and I felt the need to laugh at the irony. This motivated me to try revise, but the moment I tried, I was frustrated.

Revising is, to me, somehow harder than actually learning in a classroom. I don't understand how staring at words will help me remember things in a test. 

Exams make me want to die. It's the fact that I'm trapped in a silent hall where everyone else has probably revised and knows what to do makes me feel stupid, and abnormal and messed up. Why can't I just be like everyone else?

No, I just had to be the fucking Boy Who Lived who's had enough head trauma to permanently damage the ability to learn for the rest of my life that I don't want.

I don't understand why anyone wants me.

No one will want me after today. I fucked it up with Myrtle, who let things slide for so long. I mean, I don't know what changed, but what we had was good. She never properly tried to stop me, she just helped me. And now I've gone and ruined that.

And I've probably fucked things up with Draco and Hermione. They're probably fed up with my stupid flashback-nightmares and mood swings, and ruined childhood. I don't know how they lasted so long.

I think I've ruined every good relationship possible in under five hours.

Fuck that, after my OWLs, I'll do it. That way I won't have to face the disappointment of seeing my horrible grades. And I won't have to face anyone and say anything.

That means I can do whatever I want.

Smiling, I Accio a blade. The moment the silver touches my wrist, I grin like a psychopath. No normal person enjoys this, right?

A few minutes later, all I see is red. Red, red, red. 

did I take it too far?

My skin is no longer white. My clothes are stained and I know for sure the grass directly below is tainted crimson. Despite all that, I'm still smiling.

Smiling until my vision goes hazy and I almost fall. I want to do these godforsaken tests before I do it. I want to eat what I want and how much I want, for once before I do it. I want to write my letters before I do it.

I want to confront Vernon before I do it.

It was twelve when I got a text from Hermione. She was probably wondering why I hadn't turned up to lunch, or why I stormed out of breakfast without eating, or why I stormed out at all.