『 " but max was a whole different person, with completely different interests. she was nothing like jane. and maybe he just liked that. " 』
( mature audience - lowercase intended )
started: 08/16/19
started again: 06/01/22
[ currently editing / fix...
hey long time no write. picking this book up 3 years later oops. writing style may change hope no one minds! also wrote this at like 5 am so oops <3
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" je ne veux pas te détester "
maxine drank the toxic words her own mind poured for herself, swallowing them down as they permanently replay in the back of her throat. then she wonders why she feels sick. she couldn't yell or scream. she repainted sadness with flowers in her imagination, then wondered through her toxic garden. her mind. questioning why the flowers always wilted. she can't fix something that was permanently damaged. was she? permanently damaged? she didn't know. she hoped not. she needed to stop drinking the poison her body craved. damaging her self worth.
max hung up to phone, so genuinely upset with her mother and step dad. they were staying longer than expected. which means more time in the wheeler household. thankfully though, it was spring break. she didn't have to worry about school, or seeing anyone she didn't want to. other than mike of course.
she sighed, letting her head rest in her hands. a feeling of presence felt close to her, she turned around to see the tall boy in her door way.
"hey." he spoke, his raspy words penetrated the air.
she didn't want to hate him, in fact, she admired him. but, max and mike were basically were obligated to not like each other. but maybe their hatred turned into dedication, and dedication turned into fascination. and now his voice wraps around her neck drawing her in for the kill. his fingers laced in her hair, and his lips linger on hers.
daydreaming.
"max?"
"sorry, what?" she spoke, breaking her thoughts.
"are you okay? what did you parents say?" he said, stepping into the room she called hers. "i'm fine." a lie. "i'm stuck here for a few more weeks. no big deal." the sound of the door closing. reminding her of the daydreams.
"want to talk about it?" the boy asked, sitting on the corner of the ginger's bed.
curiosity stroked her brain. "why?" "thought you might need a friend." he said. she leaned back, her head resting against the headboard. "you're not my friend, mike." she said.
"you seemed to want to be my friend when-" "dont start, wheeler." she cut him off. "i don't need this right now." she spoke, harshly.
"why won't you just talk to me?" he said. "why don't you let me care?"
"i don't need you to care, i don't want you to care. i told you, i'm fine." she spoke, sitting up now, climbing out of her bed and standing up. "i don't need you to be my friend," she paused, while he begun.
"max, you're allowed to be vulnerable. it's not just you against the world all the time." he spoke, as she stood in front of him. "please, just let me care."
