『 " but max was a whole different person, with completely different interests. she was nothing like jane. and maybe he just liked that. " 』
( mature audience - lowercase intended )
started: 08/16/19
started again: 06/01/22
[ currently editing / fix...
Oops! Bu görüntü içerik kurallarımıza uymuyor. Yayımlamaya devam etmek için görüntüyü kaldırmayı ya da başka bir görüntü yüklemeyi deneyin.
" perdue "
sometimes max would stare into her mirror. she'd sit down in front of her reflection. and cry. and she did this often. when it was quiet, and no one was home. sometimes at 3 am in the dark. sometimes she didnt just hate the way she looked but she hated the way she acted, and the people around her, her school, her family. everything.
she'd pick out a knew thing about herself to hate everyday.
her hair was a burnt ugly orange color that frizzes rather than waves perfectly how she wants it to. her face was covered in spots. her thighs, waist, and arms were too wide. she hated her chest, the way her nose looked strange on her face some days. she hated her basic blue colored eyes.
silence in front of the bathroom mirror. her eyes were crystaled with tears. she didnt want to go home. she didnt want to deal with her parents fighting. at least she felt somewhat safe in mike's house. although she didnt know how she felt about him.
he started avoiding her, again. he didnt care for her anymore. maybe he thought he did, and lost interest. shell never know. but things were different now. they didn't talk, look at each other even. they acted like they didnt know each other in school.
the last words he had spoken to her was a few days ago when he offered her some toast, which she declined.
everything was kind of how things were before. before they hooked up. which, in a way was a good thing. she wasnt guilty about it anymore.
she wished he'd tell her how he feels so she's not lingering waiting around for answers.
she hated that feeling.
class ended, and she decided to walk (to her temporary) home.
only to get a few blocks down the street before mike pulled up beside her.
"want a ride?"
"no." she said quietly, but still accepted the offer and got into the car.
every emotion she's ever correlated to the feeling of love; describes the feelings of drowning. the water surrounds you, it's everywhere, but at the same time you can't really feel it touching you. everything is in slow motion while the water finally takes ownership of your body by filling your lungs with itself. you can't stop it, it happens faster than you can swim your way to the shore. and not everyone has a life guard to save them. sometimes, you have to give up. you have to give in. but when you do, your body relaxes and you are set at peace. just like love. sometimes giving in means you have to loose everything. you have to leave behind the past and move on, onto a happier, more peaceful place where you live on the rest of eternity. she doesnt even exactly know her beliefs on the afterlife, but she'd like to hope whatever happens is as peaceful as collapsing into the arms of a loved one.
but in this case, her loved one is a teenaged fuckboy.
