Single But Engaged ✔️

30: I was just about to go skating on this paint roller

“So, that night you faked all of that just so Aiden wouldn't leave?”

“Yeah,” she affirmed, voice low. “It sounds stupid, doesn't it?" 

“Actually, I was thinking more like 'impressive.' I mean, you really did sell that near heart attack thing,” I offered lightly.

“Yeah, I was pretty good. I guess that one drama class I took back in college finally paid off,” she sallied, leaving us chuckling, the heavy awkwardness from a few minutes ago slowly fading away.

However, in the decline of the mirthful sounds, her voice was slicing through yet again. “If I'm being honest with myself, I know I've been a really selfish mom to Aiden. Well, to Emma as well, but to Aiden especially.”

I didn't voice any response. What could one possibly say to that? So, in the end, I did the only thing I could – listen keenly as she went on.

“And it's not just about the night of Leah's party, it goes way beyond that. It's like I'm always asking so much of him, while giving back nothing in return. And the same goes for Emma as well.

But at least with Emma, she wasn't constantly exposed to certain...happenings in the family – it's one of the few things I'm thankful for actually. As a kid, we were able to give her all of that brightness, love and joy, and just show her only the pretty side of things – the kind kids deserve to see. However, with Aiden it was an entirely different case.”

If it was possible, I felt my interest pique even more than before, my attention fully on her as she went on.

“You know, Aiden's dad and I had an arranged marriage. And let's just say I realized a little too late that arrangements like that have a way of draining out the joy from a person – even if that person's a bright-eyed young girl who adamantly insisted on getting married to a guy she'd never even had a single conversation with, but had spent most of her high school years being crazily in love with him.”

Her lips stretched into a thin line, which I only later realized was a smile. “He was a really good man – Aiden's dad,” she was now saying. “Maybe a little too good actually. So much so, that he accepted marrying someone he felt absolutely nothing for.

No surprise there, our relationship wasn't the most swoon-worthy one out there. He was really kind though, and sweet. He was kind enough to put in his best at giving me the love he knew I so badly wanted from him. And sweet enough to apologize every time he was unable to do so.” 

Though I wasn't exactly unaware of the nature of their relationship, given as Aiden had mentioned it that night of his grandma's party, it was still pretty depressing to listen to Kara talk about it. And it definitely didn't help that she seemed to have something of a wistful look as she spoke – the words seeming to come from a place deep inside her heart.

“Eventually, we found ourselves in an endless cycle of wanting, hoping, hurting and sometimes, even loathing.” The last part came out as more of a chuckle – the sound dry and mirthless. “And all the while, someone was watching all of this happen; watching our unspoken misery. It never mattered how hard we tried to hide it, because he always saw through all of it anyway. 

He never showed it though. If anything, it was almost as though he learnt to play pretend like his dad and I; pretend everything was okay; pretend not to be aware of the heaviness always above our heads. And when Emma came along, he became even better at it. 

I remember one time when Emma was about three. We were all heading over to Mark's place when she suddenly blurted from the backseat: ‘mum, why don't you and dad sleep in the same room like Uncle Mark and Aunt Toni do?’ Their dad and I had exchanged nervous looks, the both of us wondering what we could possibly say to that.